I am the mother of an 18 month old son. For the past 15 months, he's lived with my mother and father. My husband and I have our own place, but we're young college students who are hardly home because we're working and going to school. I have bipolar disorder also, and I have trouble caring for my son because he is requires a lot of attention and care.

I wasn't going to have my son in the first place because I have never wanted children. I was unaware that the medication I was taking for my bipolar interfered with the birth control I was on and I ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly about a year after my husband and I were married. My family and my husband really wanted me to have my son because they knew that I would probably never have another child (I've been determined to get my tubes tied for years) and they all promised they would help me care for him. I figured that maybe I was wrong about not having children and decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway.

I love my son and care about him, but I absolutely hate being a mother. Even though they don't say anything, I know my family and my husband resent the fact that I don't want to be a mother to my son or don't really want to be around him much. I've known for a long long time that I've never had a "mothering" bone anywhere in me and I hate that my family and other people try to force me to be a mother to my child when I just can't. I've tried to be a mother to him and feed him, wash him, etc., but I just can't. I hate that I'm that way but I don't know how to change it. I know my son will probably grow up to resent me for the way I am, but the sad part about it is that I really don't care if he does hate me for it or not. I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me and fix it so that I could be the mother that I should be and that everyone expects me to be. Thank you for reading this. Please reply only if you have supportive things to say.

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous

I wear the same shoes as you, except I'm male. Why back when I was married, we had two kids, a boy and a girl. I never paid much attention to them, I was more interested in working, making extra money, for things we needed. I never saw them take their first steps or heard their first words, their mom raised them. Both of them are now in their thirtys, married with familys of their own, that means I have grandchildren, six to be exact, but I wouldn't know any of them if I was to see them. They only live 15 miles from me, but they grew up without me, so they live without me now. I haven't seen either of them even on the street for over a year, friends and other family members that don't know the story think I'm an asshole, it's true, I am, but thats the hand of cards I was delt back then. I can't say that I'm sorry things turned out this way. So to you, don't let family make you feel quilty for what you did, or may do, and don't appologize.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous

I feel for you, but please, don't ever let your son know how you feel. All children ever truly want is to be loved by their parents. You have obviously sought out the best care that you could for him, and I'm sure your parents love him very much. Still, you are his mom and you need to pay attention to him. You may even begin to want to be with him.

I could have cared less if I had children, to be truthful, but now I have two, and they are the best things my wife and I ever did together.

Good luck.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous

It's a really sad fact of American life that we've come to believe that we owe nothing to nature and little to family.
You didn't create yourself and you have no absolute right to do with your life as you wish.

The deal with nature has always been that we get the pleasure of sex and nature gets to continue the human race.
Don't play the game if you don't want to take the risks.

All that said, I don't believe you are selfish.
You have a serious personality disorder which prevents you from being a fit mother.
Since marriage does not exist simply for adults, I suggest you seriously ask yourself whether you want to be married - especially since your husband seemed to want the child so much.
He may really want a full family while you obviously never have.

As to your son, my suggestion is that you let your parents adopt your son if your husband is willing.
They seem to be willing and able to care for him.

I'd also urge you to take this matter up with a qualified psychologist since some of your feelings - or lack thereof - may be due to your medication.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out

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Anonymous

by Anonymous

Thanks everyone for your replys. I saw my doctor last week and we adjusted the medication and added another medication on and I've noticed that I've been going over to my parents house a lot more and wanting to see my son alot more too. I'm hoping over time my feelings will change and grow, and I'm hoping to maybe get into counseling to explore why I am this way and work on trying to change it. But thank you for your support and your kindness, no one else I've tried to talk to about this understands.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous

Good for you! I truly hope things work out for you and your son.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous

I'm a 56 yr. old male,who was married once back in the 70's,she was a good gal and we got married because she ended up preggies. We had a beautiful daughter. We got divorced after 8 yrs. I would see my daughter every other wkend for about 4 yrs. Then we started drifting apart,then her mother died,now we talk on the phone about once a year and see each other about every 5 yrs. We are both very independent and well adjusted. Sometimes it just works out like that. She knows i'm here for her and i know she's there for me. It's actually pretty cool,so, whatever works.

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