This is a long story. I have a friend that I have known since I was a teenager. I always cheated on my other girlfriends (and she on her boyfriends), whenever we would get together. This went on until I went to college, and we lost touch. I never thought I'd see her again.....
I got married, and after a few years, my wife and I grew apart. I really needed her to be more giving, supportive and mature. I needed a partner, not someone who would just take and not give. (This is a weakness in her character, even she will admit). We got into financial trouble (both of our faults), but I wanted to start working harder to pay off the debt. She did not. She just watched me work harder and harder, and had to confiscate the credit cards from her, so I could stop her spending. She wasnted to open up a business (which I said would not be a good idea, since we were trying to pay off debt, and should not take out another loan). She went behind my back and borrowed from her sister. She then started the business, but really wasn't working, she was just going into the office every day, but not really trying to make any money to contribute to the family debt I was working so hard to pay off. I was so angry with her for not being a partner with me, for disrespecting me by not waiting to start the business, as I had asked her to, and then after starting the business, she still was no help, because she was still not really working. I became really unhappy, distant, and depressed. I felt as if I was in a relationship all by myself.
It was really bad, and one day my friend from long ago called me to ask me if I would let her neice come and intern with me in my business. I was so happy to hear from her! I of course said yes. Over the course of the next two years, the neice came to my state and spent a week or two with me a an intern. In the meantime, my friend would lend an ear to my problems, and even suggested that my wife and I go to marriage counseling. I did not want to do that, because I felt like she had the problem, but would not go seek help heeeerself. I could not understand why my wife just wouldn't be a partner to me. Every time I would see my friend (when the neice would come to spend the week with me,) I could sense the attraction and tension between my friend and I, but we kept it platonic, and focused on her neice having a good learning experience.
Over the course of time, my friend and I became closer than we had ever become before. She was dating, and I was still at home, and working myself into the grave....
One day when we were talking on the phone, my friend said she could not see or talk to me anymore. She said she had loved me since we were children, and she could not bear to see me suffer as I had, and she could not pretend that she did not care for me. I told her I had always loved her, but thought that we could never be together, especialy since I was married. I asked her to not shut me out of her life.
I needed to get away one weekend, and went to the state where my friend lives. To cut to the chase, we made love. The best part was I felt she truly cared for me, and I had not felt that way in such a long time.
Soon after, I told my wife I would need to move out. Partly because of my friend, partly because I had such anger toward my wife, I had lost much of my loving feelings for her I once had, and partly because being there was too stressful. I figured I was already pretty much living for, and by myslef, so I might as well not continue to do that in that stressful environment.
Now, I have to deal with the extreme guilt of having an affair, and lying to my wife. I have to decide whether to get divorced.
The thing about it is that I never wanted things to turn out this way. If things were good between my wife and I, I would have never given in to the temptation of being with my friend. During my many-year marriage, I had never cheated before, and I felt as if my wife had opened up that door by her selfishness, lack of respect and caring.
I loved being married and having a family, but she did not take care of the realtionship or me, as she should have.
I wish I could use all of this "ammunition" to justify what I have done, but I can't, and still feel guilty, and I know I am wrong. I cannot bring myself to ask for a divorce, because I know, deep in my heart, I do not want it, but I also know I don't want to go back to the life I lived before. And by the way, my wife has done little to change since I left. She says she doesn't see any point in making any change unless we are getting back together.
Dazed and Confused
I got married, and after a few years, my wife and I grew apart. I really needed her to be more giving, supportive and mature. I needed a partner, not someone who would just take and not give. (This is a weakness in her character, even she will admit). We got into financial trouble (both of our faults), but I wanted to start working harder to pay off the debt. She did not. She just watched me work harder and harder, and had to confiscate the credit cards from her, so I could stop her spending. She wasnted to open up a business (which I said would not be a good idea, since we were trying to pay off debt, and should not take out another loan). She went behind my back and borrowed from her sister. She then started the business, but really wasn't working, she was just going into the office every day, but not really trying to make any money to contribute to the family debt I was working so hard to pay off. I was so angry with her for not being a partner with me, for disrespecting me by not waiting to start the business, as I had asked her to, and then after starting the business, she still was no help, because she was still not really working. I became really unhappy, distant, and depressed. I felt as if I was in a relationship all by myself.
It was really bad, and one day my friend from long ago called me to ask me if I would let her neice come and intern with me in my business. I was so happy to hear from her! I of course said yes. Over the course of the next two years, the neice came to my state and spent a week or two with me a an intern. In the meantime, my friend would lend an ear to my problems, and even suggested that my wife and I go to marriage counseling. I did not want to do that, because I felt like she had the problem, but would not go seek help heeeerself. I could not understand why my wife just wouldn't be a partner to me. Every time I would see my friend (when the neice would come to spend the week with me,) I could sense the attraction and tension between my friend and I, but we kept it platonic, and focused on her neice having a good learning experience.
Over the course of time, my friend and I became closer than we had ever become before. She was dating, and I was still at home, and working myself into the grave....
One day when we were talking on the phone, my friend said she could not see or talk to me anymore. She said she had loved me since we were children, and she could not bear to see me suffer as I had, and she could not pretend that she did not care for me. I told her I had always loved her, but thought that we could never be together, especialy since I was married. I asked her to not shut me out of her life.
I needed to get away one weekend, and went to the state where my friend lives. To cut to the chase, we made love. The best part was I felt she truly cared for me, and I had not felt that way in such a long time.
Soon after, I told my wife I would need to move out. Partly because of my friend, partly because I had such anger toward my wife, I had lost much of my loving feelings for her I once had, and partly because being there was too stressful. I figured I was already pretty much living for, and by myslef, so I might as well not continue to do that in that stressful environment.
Now, I have to deal with the extreme guilt of having an affair, and lying to my wife. I have to decide whether to get divorced.
The thing about it is that I never wanted things to turn out this way. If things were good between my wife and I, I would have never given in to the temptation of being with my friend. During my many-year marriage, I had never cheated before, and I felt as if my wife had opened up that door by her selfishness, lack of respect and caring.
I loved being married and having a family, but she did not take care of the realtionship or me, as she should have.
I wish I could use all of this "ammunition" to justify what I have done, but I can't, and still feel guilty, and I know I am wrong. I cannot bring myself to ask for a divorce, because I know, deep in my heart, I do not want it, but I also know I don't want to go back to the life I lived before. And by the way, my wife has done little to change since I left. She says she doesn't see any point in making any change unless we are getting back together.
Dazed and Confused
