I read and watch anime to escape. I hide myself behind roleplay accounts and play the bumbling, fun-loving hero that can never be brought down. I find out that I put myself too much into his character, and he has his moments of sadness, of fear, of depression, of insanity. He breaks and kills his family, destroys houses, breaks relationships apart, and laughs because it doesn't mean a fucking thing He feels nothing. All he feels is utter joy when he sees that he got a reaction, got somebody to break into tears, to beg and plead. He likes to feel like he has the power to destroy somebody. He likes to just let out his urges, hidden by the thin veneer of heroism, and let loose all the destruction he wants to wreck on the world.

But it's okay. I'm fine. If I roleplay what the voices want me to do, it stops me from doing it in real life.