I've Been Paying Women To Make Me Jerk Off To My Sister.

So for a long time now, I've been watching i****t porn, I got exposed to it really early, and something about the "taboo" made it stick out among the videos I would watch, and while every once in a blue moon the idea would cross my mind that I might imagine any of my actual family in these fantasies.. I quickly brushed them aside and was pretty steadfast in my belief that it was "just a fantasy". Anyways fast forward to about a year ago when I stumble onto a clip titled "taboo mindfuck joi" out of curiosity I bought the clip and had up until that point one of the most intense orgasms of my life as I watched a woman get me to jerk off thinking about my own, flesh and blood, family.. So it's been about a year since then, and every couple weeks I bounce between feeling incredibly guilty and ashamed, and feeling so horny I can't think of anything else. Lately I've been ordering custom clips from different models asking them to make fun of me and push my i****t fetish deeper and jerk off to pictures of my big sister.. When the ball first really got rolling when I would fantasize about her I would always say "oh this is still just fantasy even if it's really taboo fantasy" but now I think I would actually have sex with my own sister.. the thought of getting to fuck her raw without a condom and cumming inside to get her pregnant gets me so excited. Posting this hear but have been seriously considering trying to find a way to break the ice and see what happens..