Confession #529 | Anonymous Confessions

- Anything Goes -

I dont know who else to tell this to because I dont want to anyone to take away my child or put me in a hospital.

I am thinking about suicide a lot these days. I really want to do it so bad but I dont want to leave my child behind. I am really tired of life and I dont want to stick around anymore its too painful for me. I'm working hard and I still cant make ends meet. I'm very lonely and I am scared all the time about life and never having anything. I sometimes wish I did not have a child, life would be a lot easier for me, I could relocate, hold more than one job and things would be a lot easier. I feel bad saying that to myself because I love my dauther very much, but I wish I had a significant other to help me or atleast I wish she was much older and off to college or something. I am so sad and angry all the time. I feel like I am working all my life and I have nothing to show, not even a little happiness. I can't help these feelings and medication does not seem to help, I can't even keep this cramp apartment clean anymore. I can't take it anymore, life is so hard and there is too much bad things going on in the news. I am a very honest person so I can say I don't consider myself a bad person but I'm starting to think God never cared about me all my life. If I had one wish it would be to die.

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# 529 - by Anonymous

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by Anonymous

One can have lots of problems here, but when you pull that plug, its forever, and not knowing God, you won't have any idea what problems you're going to have, like FOREVER AND EVER. You could give the kid up for adoption, you could sue the stud that make her for child support, just a few suggestions.

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You really need to think about this, what it would do to your daughter, it will scar her for life. She may even end up blaming herself somehow, some day.

I know it's cliche' but suicide really is selfish, if you have anyone at all who holds you dear in this life. You'll leave behind so much pain.

My wife and I lost our 12 year old son in 2003, it's the most horrible nightmare a person could ever live through. But we made through, by counting on, depending on, and leaning on, one another.

No matter how bad life is treating you at the moment, just remember, and try to be thankful that you DO still have your daughter, who loves you very much.

I know life is really shitty at times (speaking from experience) but that's life for you, everyone goes through rough periods. Everyone.

Think of the cup as being half full, instead of half empty. As I said, you do still have your daughter. We'll never be able to hold our son again....

You really need to think about this, what it would do to your daughter, it will scar her for life. She may even end up blaming herself somehow, some day.
I know it's cliche' but suicide really is selfish, if you have anyone at all who holds you dear in this life. You'll leave behind so much pain.

My wife and I lost our 12 year old son in 2003, it's the most horrible nightmare a person could ever live through. But we made through, by counting on, depending on, and leaning on, one another.

No matter how bad life is treating you at the moment, just remember, and try to be thankful that you DO still have your daughter, who loves you very much.

I know life is really shitty at times (speaking from experience) but that's life for you, everyone goes through rough periods. Everyone.

Think of the cup as being half full, instead of half empty. As I said, you do still have your daughter. We'll never be able to hold our son again....

^^It's me again.

I'm sorry if I came off as a little harsh, but this is a very emotional subject for me, as you can well imagine.

My wife and I certainly contemplated suicide at several points after we lost Jame', but we got to talking about all the love and support we had from family members throughout the ordeal. We didn't want to inflict anymore pain on anyone, knowing first-hand how horrible the feeling is to lose a loved one. In your wildest nightmares you could never imagine how horrible the feeling is.

Life is so precious, but I think far too many people take it for granted, and in certain ways, I think we did too. We never dreamed, never suspected, that we would lose him at such an early age. Even though I know for a fact that I was a very loving father, I still wonder, everyday, if I told him enough how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. My wife feels the same way.

Hold on tightly to what you do have, please.

I'm not a religious person, and I have a very difficult time believing in either a heaven or hell. I want to believe we'll see him again some day, but I don't know for sure, and no matter what religious people say or believe, NO ONE knows for sure, except the Grand Creator of All-That-Is.

So hold on to what you have, while you have the chance. You never know if it will be there tomorrow....

Sure, bad things happen to good people all the time, but one of the lessons we learned, among many, is that eventually things do get better, even if only for short periods of time. Life is, after all, a series of ups-and-downs, for everone. Black, white, rich, poor, middle-class, it doesn't discriminate.

I really wish there was more I could say, but whether you believe it or not, I can feel your pain, keenly. I even wish I could be there to comfort you, and tell you things will eventually get better, because they will.

Bless you, and I hope you do the *right* thing. You know what that is.

I am so sorry for your lost. I felt bad after I wrote this topic, I was in tears and I was surfing around the net. You put things in perspective, I wish you and your wife never felt that pain. I think I am going to see another doctor to see if they can help me with these awful feelings. Sometimes I get horrible thoughts or real bad dreams about loosing my child too or something bad happening to her, that would be too unbareable for me. Along with everything else I am going through in life, those paranoid thoughts drive me crazy everyday. I don't know why life is the way it is... I just wish good people like you and your family didn't have to suffer like that. Thank you again and I'm sorry if I re-open a painful wound for you. Thanks to everyone too and I apologize if I upset anyone.

Dear Poster,

The gentleman that lost his son wrote a posting a while back when he was having a bad day (week, month) and needed to vent. His comments have stayed with me (hi Steven) and though we've never met, I feel for him, as I do you. There are many of us that would gladly put our arms around you and give you a hug and sometime that is just what we need. Some one that will care, not judge. Someone to listen, not preach.

You probably don't want to kill yourself, you just want the sadness and daily grind to stop. You want someone to help lighten the load for you. To share the responsibilty of caring for a child, house, bills, everything. It's overwhelming.

Do you have family near by? Anyone that could help you? Talk to your doctor. More than just medication ask what services he/she knows of that can help single parents.

Take one day at a time. Keep breathing. Don't loose faith in God. Find joy in the small tings that you can share with your daughter. Keep reaching out to people. You may get lucky and find a new friend. Let us know how your doing. Peace...

I am so sorry for your lost. I felt bad after I wrote this topic, I was in tears and I was surfing around the net. You put things in perspective, I wish you and your wife never felt that pain. I think I am going to see another doctor to see if they can help me with these awful feelings. Sometimes I get horrible thoughts or real bad dreams about loosing my child too or something bad happening to her, that would be too unbareable for me. Along with everything else I am going through in life, those paranoid thoughts drive me crazy everyday. I don't know why life is the way it is... I just wish good people like you and your family didn't have to suffer like that. Thank you again and I'm sorry if I re-open a painful wound for you. Thanks to everyone too and I apologize if I upset anyone.

I'm so glad to hear you're Ok, I saw that your post was a day older than mine, and it really upset/worried me that you may have already did something...

I told my wife about reading you post, and everything that you had said, she suggested I keep checking back periodically, which I would have done anyway.

I'll keep checking back here on a daily basis, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here. Just post in this same thread, and I'll be on the lookout, as I know problems with depression don't disappear overnight.

But I am glad to hear back from you. Hang in there!

Regards,
Steven

I think I am going to see another doctor to see if they can help me with these awful feelings.

I wanted to post just once more, before calling it a day.

Going to see a doctor is never a bad idea, it's a step in the right direction:)

The lady who called me by name (hello to you) was right about everything she said. Don't just rely on medication, but reply on support systems as well.

Clinical Depression (I'm not a doctor, but you have it, of that I'm certain) is a very serious matter, and shouldn't be treated lightly.

Anyone you can reach out to, people who will listen (and not lecture, as my friened pointed out)talk to them, reach out to them. And be completely honest.

This may seem incredibly hard to believe, but it's true: I discovered this site just a few months ago, and it's been the most effective form of therapy I've had in the last three years.

That's another thing my friend was right about, there are a few of us here willing, and wanting, to reach out to anyone who sincerely needs a sympathetic ear.

That *rant* she spoke of, the day I posted that, I honest-to-God thought if I didn't let it all out, I would have a heart attack. But she reached out to me, and that calmed me instantly. It was incredible. (Thank you again, btw:)

Keep yourself well, and your daughter, and we hope to hear from you again. Even if it's just light-hearted chat, that's fine too:)

Regards,
Steven

I think I'm going to do it.

Goodbye

I think I'm going to do it.
Goodbye

I know this isn't the original poster. Bad try.

I normally don't resort to name calling, I really don't. But whoever (or rather, whatever) posted this, you are a steaming pile of monkey crap. Nothing more.

To make light of a situation such as this, you're beneath contempt.

I know this isn't the original poster. Bad try.

I normally don't resort to name calling, I really don't. But whoever (or rather, whatever) posted this, you are a steaming pile of monkey crap. Nothing more.

To make light of a situation such as this, you're beneath contempt.

Oh, and I have a pretty good idea who you are, too.

Let me guess: "There is no God."

Right?

Right.

I agree, It has to be the idiot that always is looking for attention with his "there is no God" b.s. I wish he'd go away and stop posting his garbage.

Back to the original poster and Steven...

yup, we're all in this crazy mixed up world together. Some of us will reach out and try to help while others will stand by and watch you crumble. What little we can do on this site is not enough. You ned some real face-to-face interaction with people that you can trust and share this situation with . Please start with your doctor and let us know how things are. Like Steven said, even to chat, we're thinking of you.

T.

I agree, It has to be the idiot that always is looking for attention with his "there is no God" b.s. I wish he'd go away and stop posting his garbage. 

"LoL. I think, honestly here, that the old guy is obsessed with you.

I like you too much to go into detail here, "T", but I did study some psychology in the Air Force. In addition to that, life has given me an education in psychology, and human behavior.

It seems to me that he's pissed everytime you pay attention to anyone other than him.

Ewe...that's creepy! I appreciate you watchiing my back here. I thought about deleting this site, after the last "stuff" that he posted, but I am interested in the postings (other than the panty wearng, pee on me, diaper wearing crazies!) Best to ignore the b.s. -

Hi, I'm the original, I am still here and I did not leave that absurd comment about saying "good bye". You guys have helped me out and I appreciate it. The sad and angry feelings are still here, coming and going somedays. But at least I don't have that urge to commit suicide like I did that night. Thanks

We knew it wasn't you. Have you had a chance to call your doctor and discuss your options with theraphy and/or medication? BTW, how old is your daughter? Is she old enough to know your "not feeling yourself"? The first steps are the hardest. It's had to face your fears and talk about them. Getting things out in the open can be just as scary as keeping them to yourself, but you need to resolve some of the bad feelings you are having so that you can have a healthy relationship with your daughter. (and speaking of healthy, you should probably have a physical if you haven't in the past year)

If nothing else this week, just call and schedule the doctor appointment. Like Steven has said, baby steps...

Let us know how it goes. We care.

Go to a damn shrink.

Shrinks are useless (alone).Plus they have the highest rate of suicide of any of the "white collar" porfessions. I'd hold off on the theraphy until a physical evaluation was done first and then, and only then, would I use a combination of medication and some sort of theraphy, depending on her condition.

If you want to die, then die. Nobody is stopping you. But remember once you are dead, you can't change your mind.

Topic Creator,

You still there? Drop us a line soon, let us know how you're doing...

Regards,
Steven

Did you die yet?

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