Nathan has been my best friend since high school. He's been through thick and thin with me all these years and I know he's always had a crush on me. He isn't a bad looking guy, in fact he's kinda cute, but I've never seen him as anything more than a big brother. And he knows that.

Naturally, when he and his girlfriend broke up recently, I wanted to be there for him and be supportive. He was so broken and I had never seen him so defeated. It literally pained my physically to see him like that.

So, one day after a few beers over at his apartment, when he again confessed his love for me and kissed me, I gave in. I told myself that if I rejected him at that moment, he'd be even more depressed. So I let it happen and hoped that may be that'd make him feel better about himself. I wanted to validate him. I just wanted to see the old Nathan back.

Even though he was drunk, he was gentle and made sure he didn't hurt me. He was actually pretty good at it tbh. When he was done, we cuddled and he passed out. I felt really confused afterwards so I just laid there. When I got up to leave, he was still asleep.

It's been a few days now and I have just been avoiding his calls and texts. He's been texting me everyday and left me several messages. I feel really bad because he thinks he's done something wrong and keeps apologizing when, in fact, all I wanted was to make him happier. I just wanted to make his pain go away. I want the old Nathan back. I miss him so much.

I'm still trying really hard to make sense of what happened. Why can't things be like they used to be?