Out and Out. I do not deny my awkwardness. I am unfortunately small, petite, and cursed with a pretty face. I hide behind bad clothes, dress mostly in baggy clothes, shirts shoes and jeans. I tried smoking and that is what got me in trouble. Next door to me lives the father figure, parent of the block. He is in his fifties and treats me like a little girl daughter, half of what he tells me is parenting stuff, and when he caught me smoking all hell broke loose.

I got a lecture, forced to sit and take the lecture. I had the cigarettes torn from my hand and tossed in the bin. I had my hair pushed off my face, I had my hand steadied on the table, I had the hand on my chin forcing me to look into his eyes. Then I went cold, I froze, I felt more than knew that this wasn't going to end well for me, he wasn't going to just let me walk away, I started to cry because I knew I was going to loose my virginity to him. It was inevitable so I just asked him with my eyes to please be gentle with me. The undressing part felt like it was going to last forever. I don't know why I have always worn very delicate underthings, I don't know why I felt at that moment like I was twelve. Baring my private parts to him, observing his private part, that thick nasty thing, having him put my hand on it, laying back on the bed and having him get on me was like an out of body experience.

The penetration part wasn't so much weird as it was relief, it didn't hurt, if entered without any objection on my part, it was in and my body responded without any of my control. When he was done he wrapped me up in his arms in a bear hug and I turned in his arms so that I was facing out, with my head on a small part of the pillow. So much for moving there, so much for trying to be independent, so much for thinking I could smoke. So much for being a free soul, so much for thinking that I was never going to fall. It happened.

I don't even resent it, I don't know why. When he talks to me now I listen, I of course never smoked a cigarette again. When he calls me I answer, when he straightens out my clothes I sit there, I go get my hair cut every three weeks, I do my nails now, I buy nicer clothes in the girl's section mostly because I am too small to buy clothes in the women's section. I hardly have any cosmetics, I don't need them but if he takes me out to some play or something like that I wear a little, for him I don't care what any one else thinks.

I am well aware the age thing, of the daddy/daughter thing, of the arm candy thing, not that he is rich or anything but none of his friends has their little girl with them, they all have matronly wives. I don't need a pep talk to sleep with him, I know that it is part of being with him and I don't mind it at all. I am not scared anymore and I know what to do. It was just that day all because I had started smoking that it caught me by surprise, I never thought that day would come but it did. With my old man, that is what I call him, he calls me Lizette, before I started smoking I was Lizzy.