My compulsion has take me to see a therapist. I am and have been for a very long time a seeker of men. I don't live the life of a homosexual, I am married with a family, but I seek out men. I have gone through several stages, back when I first started I hung out where men came to look for young guys, later when I was older I associated with men I knew to like men, then I moved to where I live now and everything I do is hidden from the light of day.

The reason I am with a therapist is that I got careless and I got caught giving a blow job to a man in parking lot. It was the security guard not a real cop and he didn't take names but he caught us, it could have been a real cop.

I know I have an obsession and it is real. I can go for a while, maybe a month or six weeks without it, but then I have to go find it. There was a time when I hung out at places where I know men find men, clubs. But that is dangerous, you can be seen and who knows who will be there. I got cold feet and stopped going there and my source dried up. I tried the internet but all of the men that agreed to meet me wanted money. So I am back to going to clubs. Fortunately I live in a very large metropolitan area and I can go far away from where I live, I go after work and I am just looking for a quick blow job so I usually get home a little late but not real late. It is only when my wife goes to see her mother that I stay out late and have complete sex. Fortunately my wife goes to see her mother at least once a month and takes the kids (ages 3 and 7) so I have that night to myself.

My therapist agrees with me that I am not gay, I have a compulsion, some men like whores they don't know, some men like me like anonymous sex with men.