I went away to college with my best friend. After we were installed in our dorm during orientation week she tells me that there is a CW dance hall where all the kids go and she get us some fake IDs and this guy she met will take us. We go to the dance hall, these guys buy is beers and things got rowdy. She is kissing this one guy and this other guy is dancing me around. He takes me by the hand and walks me out into the parking lot to show me his truck. He takes some Duck Tape out of the tool box and cuts off a piece. I am so stupid I ask him what that is for and he tells me to put it over my mouth. He picks me up and puts me in the bed of the truck and we have sex. After he is done he asks me if I want to go home with him. I shook my head no so he drug me off the bed of the truck and stood me up against another truck so I can pull my pants up and we went back inside.

I managed to get the tape off my mouth and went looking for my friend. She finally showed up after half an hour and we went to the restroom. I still had all of the tape crap on my face and she tells me she got lucky. After looking at my face and asking me what happened she kisses me on the lips and tells me we both got lucky. When we leave the restroom the guy who took me outside is waiting to take me home with him. My friend leaves with the guy she met and I go home with my new boyfriend. He wanted sex all night long.

My friend has sex with all kinds of guys but I only have sex with my cowboy boyfriend. She has an abortion and later gets a bad case of Chlamydia. I keep my boyfriend clean and make sure he has all he needs and doesn't mess around. I also get on and stay on birth control, after her scare and her abortion I don't want that happening to me. My entire college experience was sex, granted with one guy, but we had sex all day and all night, it was never enough. In our senior year he was killed by a drunk driver.

I went back home and wasn't able to keep a job. I went through a couple of therapist but that didn't help. Finally at 24 I got a job working for a small company and I met a man who treated me nice and when he wanted to have sex I froze up. I had to close my eyes and grit my teeth while he had sex with me. I only gave him dog sex because I didn't want him to look at my face. It took a long time, I got to the point where I could adopt the position and have him approach me from behind and perform sex and I wasn't closing my eyes. I was 27 when I laid on my back for him. I have never gotten over my boyfriend. I am 30 now and I got married but I don't really love my husband. He is nice and he is a good catch but I miss my boyfriend more than ever.

I know that first loves are hard to get over. I wish I could feel for my husband what I felt for my boyfriend. I used to have sex with my boyfriend, he was wild and aggressive and knew how to make me have orgasms. My husband is the same every time and it is boring. I want to scream to him to just quit being nice. I start fantasizing with my boyfriend and then it is over. Over, he gets off and goes to sleep. I am all hot and sex is not over for me and I have to masturbate to get an orgasm. I never dreamt that men were so different. My high school friend that I went to college with says I was spoiled by my boyfriend, most guys roll on roll off. That's my husband.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing for a man again. I have a good life except for that. My husband is a good man, but he makes love to me like I am his mother and he doesn't want to bother me. Sometimes I want to go out and find some cowboy who wants to break me. I am so frustrated it hurts and I am tired of masturbating. I got spoiled but I want to be spoiled again.