I am 36 and I work as an M&A Attorney for a large law firm. I travel a lot. On the way I met a man when I was 29. He was a client and I worked with him late one night, he took me to a working dinner and he touched my hand, held my hand, put his hand on my leg, took my face and kissed me. I knew I was doing something really bad, career ending bad, but I had no control over myself and I let him take me to his hotel room and I spent the night there with him. That was the beginning of my affair with him.

He is a client of the firm, but I also work for other clients. He knows my schedule and we meet up in New York a lot, and London. Last week I spent two free days with him in Singapore. In Singapore I gave him anal sex. I asked him for it. Not that it was good, it was not that good, but I felt that I needed him to have sex with me that way. Now I want him to have sex with me without any contraceptives. Russian roulette, let it happen when it happens. I am not going to marry some other man. I am 36 and I would like to have a child before my time runs out.

I don't consider myself a free woman. I am exclusive to him. I like my job but I go through the motions. My life is about being with him. If I have to quit my job I will quit my job. My job is not important to me anymore. I am a technician, I quit trying to become partner. I dream of living in a small house on the beach and raising a couple of kids. All I need him to do is to take my contraceptives and flush them down the toilet.