I have a GF for more then 5 years already and we plan to marry sometime soon (in the next few years).
I am definitely straight. I love girls no doubt and no problem down there, when I see gay people it disgust me to think about loving and touching other men.
But sometimes, when I jerk off (when not with my GF) I wish I could have the opportunity to suck a guy's dick. Once I fantasized about being raped by few guys and put fingers in my ass while jerking off and it actually felt good. It does not make me feel gay or want to be with a guy or love guys or whatever but I really really want to try it. I want to lick that thick dick and put it in my mouth and get pounded in my ass while someone is jerking me off.
It came to the point that I posted messages at gay forums and matching sites looking for some discrete anonymous sex with one or two or three partners.
I dont see it as cheating although I know it is.
I am not going to stop thinking about it until I do it.
I am not gay and dont feel that way to other men... Which is pretty strange because seeing other guyes kiss disgust me.
And I'm afraif of what I might think after the act or meanwhile and if it wont be as expected.
I didnt tell anyone about this and want it to stay this way, but want an opinion.
I guess this is'nt normal but still, am I alone? Is it only me who want to feel a dick in my ass while I suck on a large hot milky dick....?