I am completely in love with a guy. I am slowly going mad because of the past we share and because I can't see him anymore - not even as a friend. I've met a lot of people in my life and he is the single, only person I have ever felt this.. this.. complete connection and magnetism with.
I understand his girlfriends point of view. I did take Ecstacy and get drunk with him. And yes, I did sort of give him a blow job... But in my heart I feel like SHE is the other woman, because I loved this guy first. And he loved me. And the only reason we never end up together is because one of us is always in a relationship. And because I sort of dated his best friend for 2 years..
And now he is with HER! Ugh.
I don't know what to do anymore. So many things make me think of him. Daily. I cry whenever I am by myself. I work 8 hour shifts by myself and have to fake a smile for the customers...
It's torture knowing he is in this town, that I physically could just call him or show up at his house... But I can't because I love him too much and I don't want to ruin his relationship. Because the sick thing is - He loves her too. :( I don't want to be the other woman... But I LOVE HIM!
When I was dripping on E, I carved his name in my steering wheel like a dumbass... and now I have to look at his name every day...
I tried joking around with my roommates and naming the car after him as a joke.. to try and just shrug it off and laugh about it... But the truth is, every time I look at it, every second of time I have spent with him (good and bad) comes rushing back.
Also, even in a perfect world where this guy and I could be together - - - my friends and family hate him for all the shit he and his best friend (my ex) have put me through.
My ex, this guys' best friend, is a pedophile and is going to jail for sleeping with a 14 year old...
And this guy and I had lots of sex while we were both drunk, back when I was dating his best friend. And when the shit hit the fan, I sort of exaggerated the fact that this guy took advantage of me while I was drunk. (he did.. but I did too......) So now everyone who loves me hates him.
I am royally fucked and I doubt that I will ever have that feeling again that I had with this guy. It's like having arms or oxygen or eyes and then having to learn to live without them...
Anyway.. that's my confession.
I understand his girlfriends point of view. I did take Ecstacy and get drunk with him. And yes, I did sort of give him a blow job... But in my heart I feel like SHE is the other woman, because I loved this guy first. And he loved me. And the only reason we never end up together is because one of us is always in a relationship. And because I sort of dated his best friend for 2 years..
And now he is with HER! Ugh.
I don't know what to do anymore. So many things make me think of him. Daily. I cry whenever I am by myself. I work 8 hour shifts by myself and have to fake a smile for the customers...
It's torture knowing he is in this town, that I physically could just call him or show up at his house... But I can't because I love him too much and I don't want to ruin his relationship. Because the sick thing is - He loves her too. :( I don't want to be the other woman... But I LOVE HIM!
When I was dripping on E, I carved his name in my steering wheel like a dumbass... and now I have to look at his name every day...
I tried joking around with my roommates and naming the car after him as a joke.. to try and just shrug it off and laugh about it... But the truth is, every time I look at it, every second of time I have spent with him (good and bad) comes rushing back.
Also, even in a perfect world where this guy and I could be together - - - my friends and family hate him for all the shit he and his best friend (my ex) have put me through.
My ex, this guys' best friend, is a pedophile and is going to jail for sleeping with a 14 year old...
And this guy and I had lots of sex while we were both drunk, back when I was dating his best friend. And when the shit hit the fan, I sort of exaggerated the fact that this guy took advantage of me while I was drunk. (he did.. but I did too......) So now everyone who loves me hates him.
I am royally fucked and I doubt that I will ever have that feeling again that I had with this guy. It's like having arms or oxygen or eyes and then having to learn to live without them...
Anyway.. that's my confession.
