i was sexually abused as a child, and then raped by 4 different men on different occasions after that. it seems like now i can only get off during sex if i think about those horrible things. but then when im done cumming, i always freak out like my memories get out of control and i cant wait until my boyfriend finishes. i always tell him i have to pee or it hurts (which it oftern does cause his penis seems to be too big for me). am i some kind of freak? can anyone relate to me? how do i stop this? HELP!