Closeted Regret

I have been bi my whole life and living 2 separate lives for most of it.
When I was a teen I liked girls but I also was attracted to men…older men. I fit into the perfect twink appearance cute face, nice butt etc.
No one among my friends, family, girlfriends knew I had a penchant for wearing hosiery and getting fucked by men in motels or in their beds. Once a couple occasions I was gang fucked. I loved it all and I was torn about just being completely gay or go the other way. From my teens into my 20s was the most fun I had in my gay life, when I got older I stopped all that, got married and all that. From time to time I hooked up but it was never the same as when I was younger. My biggest regret is that I just didn’t live how I think I was meant to. At the time we didn’t have the access to things like now. I would have taken hormones and feminized myself as much as possible because I just loved the idea of men using me as a fem. Just born at the wrong time I guess.