My Struggle With Achieving Orgasms And Faking It With Him

It's been a well-kept secret for many years now. Despite all the intimate moments we've shared, I've never been able to reach an orgasm with him. I know that I should be honest with him about this, but I just can't bring myself to do it. The thought of hurting his feelings or making him feel inadequate just seems too difficult to bear. So instead, I fake it, every single time.

It's not something that I'm proud of, but I feel like I have no other choice. It's not like I'm not enjoying the intimacy we share - I am - but I just can't seem to cross the finish line, so to speak. It's like there's a mental block preventing me from fully letting go and experiencing the pleasure that I know is possible.

The worst part about it all is that I end up feeling guilty and ashamed afterwards. I hate lying to him and I hate that I can't be completely honest with him about how I'm feeling. It's like I'm betraying his trust every time I fake it, even though I know that it's not something that I'm doing on purpose.

In the end, I always end up achieving orgasm by myself, after our session has ended. It's not the same as experiencing it with him, but at least I know that I'm capable of it. It's frustrating, to say the least, that I can't seem to do it when I'm with him, but I try not to let it get to me too much.

I know that I need to be brave and talk to him about this, but it's just so difficult. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to make him feel like he's not satisfying me. I know that's not the case, but it's hard to shake the feeling that I'm letting him down in some way.

In the end, I just keep pretending and faking it, hoping that one day I'll be able to let go and experience the pleasure that I know is waiting for me. It's a tough situation to be in, but I'm not ready to give up just yet.