I am sexually timid and shy, worse then most women and certainly for my age more so. I see a therapist about sexual trauma and sexual supressions and I still don't know if I like sex or not. She encouraged me to watch some niche porn on topics that were of difficulty to me, like hearing moaning and bed noises and fears from childhood about sexual arrosal and climax and searching myself and exploring to find out what I like and what I don't like. What I want and what I don't want etc. Its surprising the feelings I feel and I take note of them. I used to think it would be so hot and nice to have sex til it actually happened. I dreamed of sex for too long and didn't do it til too old. It was such a let down. I still dream of sex with men I like but not the hopeless fag I was with. I think if I had been in love and really wanted it, I would have enjoyed it more. I wonder if I will ever enjoy it. If I will ever find a man that turns me on. I have little to compare or pretend how the next new sexual venture will be but here goes.