Lesbian Female / 53
Thirty years ago I was at the end of my student visa and without a job offer, I was facing having to return to Manchester to a dreary life. Plus I was going to have to leave my secret love. We had exhausted all options, I had extended my stay with a Masters but I could not get a job. The lawyer walked me to the elevator and held my arm and said 'get married'.
Me married? I loved someone I couldn't marry. Depression, desperation, my secret love told me to do it, get pregnant and do it, we would still be together. So twenty three I asked this guy I had gone to graduate school with to marry me. He had a lot of affection for me and knowing this was for the right to stay here, and I had told him who I loved. His serious face disillusioned me, but he said he would do it if it made me happy.
My lawyer refused to answer me about needing to get pregnant, he would only say it had to be legitimate. My lover and I were scared we would be discovered and the marriage would be ignored so we decided the safe thing to do was to get pregnant. I got married without my parent's knowledge, became pregnant immediately. My husband slept on the couch, I slept in the bedroom and my lover had permission to spend the night. He relented when we kissed in front of him so he could see for himself.
We never got divorced, when it was time to grow the family I did, and he decided that we would share the bedroom, children talk. My lover continued to be a deep secret, but we always had his permission. I went back to school and got a degree in nursing as my lover is a hospital administrator. My husband wanted a son and I tried one more time and that time our son was born, he is ten years old. Our day to day is all American, our nights not so much. We have perfected the legitimacy of a marriage and preserved our secret love life.
To my husband we owe a debt of love, he has been my husband, the father of my children, my best friend, and the chief architect of a secret life unknown to anyone but the three of us.
Me married? I loved someone I couldn't marry. Depression, desperation, my secret love told me to do it, get pregnant and do it, we would still be together. So twenty three I asked this guy I had gone to graduate school with to marry me. He had a lot of affection for me and knowing this was for the right to stay here, and I had told him who I loved. His serious face disillusioned me, but he said he would do it if it made me happy.
My lawyer refused to answer me about needing to get pregnant, he would only say it had to be legitimate. My lover and I were scared we would be discovered and the marriage would be ignored so we decided the safe thing to do was to get pregnant. I got married without my parent's knowledge, became pregnant immediately. My husband slept on the couch, I slept in the bedroom and my lover had permission to spend the night. He relented when we kissed in front of him so he could see for himself.
We never got divorced, when it was time to grow the family I did, and he decided that we would share the bedroom, children talk. My lover continued to be a deep secret, but we always had his permission. I went back to school and got a degree in nursing as my lover is a hospital administrator. My husband wanted a son and I tried one more time and that time our son was born, he is ten years old. Our day to day is all American, our nights not so much. We have perfected the legitimacy of a marriage and preserved our secret love life.
To my husband we owe a debt of love, he has been my husband, the father of my children, my best friend, and the chief architect of a secret life unknown to anyone but the three of us.
