Going back to when I was 35 I worked for an investment banking firm and I was on a plane in first class to Toronto. Aside me sat a man in his late forties who worked in Corporate America and he insisted on being cordial. I finally, after two hours of flight told him as discreetly as I could that I was not on his radar, I enjoyed the company of this certain woman who was at home waiting for me to return.

But luck is not always with you and he was staying at the same hotel as I was and he insisted that we share a cab and he insisted on being nice and inviting me to dinner at this Indian restaurant that he knew. That night was the first time I stepped out on my relationship. He was nice, and he talked and he was wise about life and he knew a whole lot about just about everything and he corrected me a lot about some of my beliefs and he tut tutted me for some of the things I said and we walked the eight blocks back to our hotel, his hand on my elbow as we crossed the street, his arm around my shoulders as we got close to the hotel.

At my door he stood and said he wanted a kiss. I had never kissed a man in that way and his kiss and his arm around my waist made me lose my balance and he held me up and insisted on putting me to bed. I had not been undressed by anyone since I was a child, he delicately took off my clothes one piece at a time, helping me ever so gently with my panties and bra until I was totally naked on the bed and he bent over and kissed me again. I want to say that I was angry and annoyed but right then I put my arms around his neck and he put his hand on my chest. I pulled him so he would fall on me, he was dressed and I had to let him take his clothes off before he got between my legs for the 'act'. It was tremendous, I don't know how else to say it, he took over and before I knew it the act was over and he was holding me looking into my eyes shushing me softly and telling me that I was a good girl and he would want me to be his girl any night any where.

I slept with him and woke up with him and his arm around me. The clock was telling the truth, I was late I had a meeting. He woke up and held me down and turned the clock around and said they could wait. We talked for a couple of minutes before getting up to use the facilities and brush our teeth and he suggested a morning romp, deliver myself to him, spread out on the bed, just lay back and spread out and deliver myself to him. It was quick and harsh not like the night before. We lay in bed for another hour before we got up to shower.

I rearranged my meeting, I met him for a late lunch and I spent the afternoon with him. He told me he liked me and me wanted me to visit, or he could make arrangements and come to visit me. But either way, he wanted me to be his girl. I had a hard time after we had to go our ways, I cried to myself on the plane flying home, I had cheated in the worst possible way and I was never able to set it straight at home, I was just not the same person.

Somedays when he puts his finger on my lips to keep my thoughts to myself, sometimes when he shushes me, or when he tut tuts me my heart races but I know I have to be quiet. It is hard on many fronts, he is older and he is used to having his way. Sometimes he wants a girl and sometimes he wants a woman. Because I have an MBA he has given me the keys to the kingdom. Managing other peoples money is easy, managing his money is hard. I don't work anymore, well I work for him full time, both at the office and at home. He likes to take weekend trips, three days on a whim, someplace to show me that I have never been. Last trip was to Mexico City. There are times when I try to remember what I was doing when I met him, I was in a relationship with someone I cared for, I was working on a career.

I tell myself that you can't stop love. I sit and watch him read the paper and I don't want to leave the table. He looks up at me when he turns the page and all I can do is give him a stupid smile.