My parents were in the government and they accepted a post overseas. I was going into high school so they left me with my maternal grandmother.

Well she was not the grandmother anyone thinks about. She talked about sex all the time, asking me if I had done this and that. She asked me if I had feelings down there pointing at my crotch. She said that I needed to come to terms with my pussy. She told me that I needed to tell her the very day that some boy got me with his dick.

I was shy, I guess I am shy by nature. She would walk in on me when I was done with my shower and take the towel away to look at me and see how things were coming along. She started to take me to buy clothes, school clothes which were appropriate for school, but clothes to go fishing, clothes to get the boy's attention, short tight skirts, small tight shorts that got in my crack, tight tops that showed off my wears. She told me to go get fucked, this was the age to enjoy it, later it was going to be a chore, a young woman needed to enjoy herself, just get fucked you don't even have to know his name.

She brought home these things in a paper bag. She sat at the kitchen table and took them out one by one, dildos with batteries and dildos without batteries, and she went through the explanation on how to use them and when. She had this small box, it had this little box with batteries and two wires with these ugly clips. She said to wire my nipples to them and turn on the box, take that hard rubber dick and just go off with myself. I was fifteen years old.

So time passed, I was seventeen and I had still not found the guy she kept pushing on me, I had developed a lot further, she still bought me clothes for school but the clothes for fishing were now the ones I wanted and they were not slut clothes, I wore some but not a lot of makeup and I did not use the dildos or the nipple clips, I did not masturbate. She gave up on me.

One day she just casually dropped the story that in her day a girl had to be a girl, there was no college and either you caught your fish when you were young or you spent your life regretting it. She did not want me to spend my life in regret because I was too full of myself to find me a man. She stood up and told me that I had only one thing to sell, and once it was out of date it didn't sell. And I was pretty much out of date. She had tried but failed.

My parents came back from their assignment during my first year of college. I chose a small all women's college to study nursing. In college I was much more aware of all the running around of the girls there, but I never had a desire to run around. I dated a couple of times, but I just could not get interested in anyone. I saw my share of slut dress and I cringed at how some of the girls in my school went out. I heard of broken hearts and out of control men, of girls going to take care of their mistake. I talked to my mother about this and asked why I didn't have any feelings but she didn't have an answer.

I am lacking the hormones, that is my conclusion. I have no desire for physical closeness. I like to help people, I don't mind doing my share of the work, I like company but I am not interested in any sort of a relationship. I feel sorry for most of the women at my college, I wish they looked after themselves more. I am a senior now and I volunteer with freshman orientation. I am not allowed to talk to them about their sex lives, but I wish I could.