My father divorced my mother when I was eleven and he left and I didn't see him again. My mother never remarried, for a while she tried to make it on her own but it didn't work and we moved back to her hometown near her brother who had a general store. After school I went to the store and stayed there until my mother got off work, I helped my uncle with cleaning and stacking and putting goods on the shelves. My uncle's store had a section in the magazine rack for porn, Playboy's, Hustler, magazines. I went through a copy of each every month in the back room, I got horny as hell and had a hardon and learned how to beat off. My uncle started to carry Playgirl and I started to go through that magazine every month, I loved the naked men much more than the naked women in Playboy. I imagined myself laid back in the position of the models from Playboy and being kissed and touched by the models in Playgirl, at night I would open my legs pretending that I was a girl. It wasn't much time before I started to touch my butt and try to poke a finger in.

I was masturbating or beating off almost every day, I had lost interest in the Playboys and Hustlers. I posed in my room like the girls in the magazines but my imagination was on the men from Playgirl. Then by accident I found a box of magazines under a shelf in the back of the room. The magazines were in black and white with pictures of naked men, penis pictures, penis pictures and men kissing penis, and men with another man behind them, men kissing. Men with hard penises and men with soft penises, naked men in black and white. I could not believe it, I went through those pictures sitting on another box, magazine after magazine. The magazines weren't priced and didn't look like they had ever been put out for sale. It was a box of magazines stored in the back room. At night I dreamt about those pictures, I wanted to be kissed and I kissed the pillow pretending that I was in the arms of one those models, I slobbered dreaming I was kissing a penis, I poked my butt with whatever I could find, pens, pencils, a wooden spoon from the kitchen, I found my mother's hand cream and used it on a pen and was able to insert it easily in my butt and I fucked myself.

In the tenth grade I met this boy who moved to town with his family. He was from Pennsylvania, dark hair and long legs. I made friends with him and we hung out at school. He invited me to his house after school and my uncle said it was fine for me to go. After going several times I got brave and I snuck one of those queer magazines from the store and took it to his house and showed him. He liked it too, we lay side by side on his bed and went through every single page, I told him which penis I liked the best and we laughed about it. I turned over on my back and he put the magazine to one side and got on me and kissed me. It was our first kiss and it was awkward but after a couple of tries we kissed really well. I really liked his kiss and I got hard and undid my pants and he put his hand in my pants and held my penis as he kissed me. He showed me his penis, it was long and hard and it felt good to hold it and I put it in my mouth loving the taste and texture and feeling of his hot penis in my mouth. I wanted to be kissed some more and we held onto our penises as we kissed. I pushed my pants down and turned over and he asked me if I was sure and he found my hole and after a couple of minutes he had penetrated me and he was fucking me.

That was my day, my very first lover and my first kiss and my first fuck. I snuck the whole box of magazines out of my uncles back room and he never said a word, I never found out if he noticed he never brought it up. I kept them at the house, I first tried under my bed, then on the shelf of my closet and then in a flash of genius I decided to put them in the attic. I was lovers with my new friend from Pennsylvania and we were very active in the quiet of his room, the magazines providing us with hours and hours of pleasure. When I need to feel good, I go to my box and I pull out one of the magazines at random, I examine it remembering all those days and imagining that I am with my first boyfriend and masturbate to my heart's content.