I went out with a guy I met at a party. We had dinner and went to a club. I went home with him and I let him have sex and when he pushed for it I let him have anal, he wanted something virgin of me. I wish I hadn't, looking back it was stupid to let him.

I have not been able to shake him, whatever he did won't let me go. I surrender and I can't fight it. I baked him a cake for his birthday, I wore a dress for his birthday, I served him and cleaned up for his birthday. I am not ready to settle down, I still want to travel and I don't want to be dependent on him, his vision of mommy and a baby isn't me.

We are planning to get married in July. I know it is several months away but I feel married already. I have thought about it more than once, just elope and get married and get it over with, why wait. If I got married now I could be a mommy with a baby at Thanksgiving. I know my grandma would like to have a little great grandchild. I just never thought that I would be the one to give her the first great grandchild. Yes, I want to elope. I feel it, and the feeling doesn't go away.