When I was an eighteen tear old Freshman I met a guy who had just come back from Viet Nam. He wasn't hurt, at least as far as I could see, I felt some bizarre sense of duty and went home with him. I lost my virginity, he fell asleep and I woke up in this huge bear hug. I guess I was never going to be the same person again, I gave in and let him make me his girlfriend and after graduation his wife.

Many nights I am crushed in a bear hug. Last night he cried again while he held me, sometimes he cries alone on the couch. I don't go there, I only listen to what he wants to tell me. I know a lot now and I know he came home and his friend did not. I know the last moments were hell on earth and when the smoke cleared he was alive and his friend was dead.

I know he still grieves for his friend and I grieve for him.


Thank you for letting me say what I can't say out loud.