I'm in a relationship where we don't have sex. Everything else is good but we don't have sex. I crush out on this myspace profile and send it to my hot, single friend. She meets him and posts pictures of the two of them together having a really good time and looking adorable. Now I totally want to die.

I should be happy for her, but instead I was childish and told her he was fugly and looked like a junky.

I'm pretty sure she saw right through that.

So now I'm avoiding her calls, not leaving the house, and making anonymous confessions.

Oh, and wishing I had actually offed myself in high school when it was all chic to be suicidal.