I first had my dick teased when I was a little kid. It felt good and I had to beg to get my dick teased. Around eleven I had a friend and I asked him to tease my dick, he did and I sucked his dick but after that one time he told me we couldn't be friends anymore. I masturbated a lot. We had gone on a summer trip and one night we stayed at this motel overnight. We are all bunched up in the room and I had a terrible urge to masturbate so I snuck out when everyone was sleeping and went out by the pool and found a dark corner and masturbated. The maintenance guy found me and told me that I should never do that out in the open, if the cops caught me I would be taken to jail. He took me to this room around back and sucked my dick. He let me suck his dick. Around two in the morning we went back to our room and helped me open the door and sneak back in. I slept with the feeling of his dick in my mouth for the rest of the night.

I took band and had to lug my instrument home with me to practice. For whatever reason I was assigned the French Horn which I hated. My mother told me to go outside to practice. I can't say enough about how much I hated the French Horn and practicing. The neighbor lady told me to shut that thing down and my mother told me to practice outside, the only solution was for me to stay after school and practice in the band room and my mother would pick me up after practice. This other boy had the same problem so we practiced together. I got to know him and he was kind of weird, he played the trombone which was also loud and we kidded around. One afternoon we ended up in the bathroom together and I told him he had a weird dick, I just could not resist I sucked him in the restroom. Fortunately he liked it and I sucked him several more times. I loved sucking dick and as luck would have it I ended up practicing with the other gay guy in school. I fucked him and it felt so good to stick my dick in his ass and what's more he liked it. I guess you get used to seeing someone and you start to like the way they look and one day we kissed and made out.

In the twelfth grade I had a chemistry class and we got paired up with a partner. He was new kid from Orlando and we had to do the experiments together and it was just a kind of a feeling I had and I told him I was going to the movies one weekend and he agreed to come along and I put my hand in his lap, we fought hands for a while but I grabbed on to his dick and he liked that and I got his dick out of his pants and jacked him off. After he got rid of his load I didn't let go, I bent over and sucked him. He was gay too and I fucked him, he was new to it but he liked it and he let me fuck him the rest of the year. He liked getting his dick sucked and he found that he liked to suck dick too and we had a great time. Actually even today sucking his dick is what I think about when I think about sucking a dick.

But the times were not great for being gay and I kept all this under the covers so to speak and went on to become an airline pilot and it should be no surprise that there were lots of opportunities to get with a guy when I spent the night in some other city. I stayed away from the obviously gay guys on board, I got together with older business men that I met in the bar in the late evening. I went onto become captain and flew the NY to Paris route or the NY to Amsterdam route and I found many opportunities to get together with some closeted gay men like myself when I laid over. Every once in a while I took on some young guy when I just felt the need to fuck for the sake of fucking, like hurt him and make him cry sort of thing. I didn't like that part of me, but sometimes it got the better of me.

In my later years, I was living full time in NY by then, I had my rounds, still all under cover I met a couple of guys in Europe who also traveled to NY and we got together and had a group thing going, parties with other guys and we would call up and have a couple of younger guys sent up and had a party with them. My instinct to really hurt a guy kept coming out and I always asked for a young guy, a mama's boy type of guy and fucked him hard. On the other side of the coin these were guys who liked being abused, hurting them only made them happier. One day though I hurt this one kid who didn't know what he was getting into, he was a pup, not yet sure of his feelings and getting fucked like that made me reflect. I knew I had hurt him, not playing but truly hurting him. I stopped doing that, cold turkey, it actually turned me off after that one kid. Like that guy in high school I remember him, he was a pizza clerk new to NY, probably ran away from home because he was gay, but didn't know the ropes.

I can't say I am out of the closet, I don't hide it so much, I have a couple of gay friends that we get together, take trips to sunny beaches, take a couple of young guys with us for fun, and sometimes I get together with an guy my age and have a heart felt fuck fest. My current fwb is an ex wall street type, divorced, swore he wasn't gay, but he couldn't give up sucking a man's dick. He likes getting fucked, he had never been fucked until he and I got together, and likes to tease and be teased. He loves sucking dick, just as much as I do and we have a grand time watching stupid vintage tv shows, like Magnum PI, and sucking hard while the episode goes on.

For the record I am still in the closet and so is he. We aren't so stupid as to not figure out that more than one person has put two and two together, but we haven't joined the wave of out and proud.