if i didn't know how hurt he would be, i would kill myself right now. i have the razor. i've been cutting myself all day. he's going to call me in 6 hours and i'll tell him that i'm fine, that i really think this is a good idea, that we both really need a break to get our lives in order. i'll wait for him to tell me he loves me. if he does, i'll say it back. then he'll hang up first, and i'll cry until i fall asleep. i want to die and i don't know what i am supposed to do. i have no one. he has run off to stay with friends, he goes to work and has people to talk to. i'm here, working at home, all alone with no one. and all i can do is hope that if i pretend i'm ok for long enough that he might come back.