My parents and specifically my dad didn't do a great job of hiding their porn and toy stashes so I think I found just about all of them over the years, and it pretty heavily influenced what I'm into now that I'm older. I kinda wanna talk about some of the things I found and like what I did/what kinda effect they had on me.

So like, the earliest things I remember is when we were living in Pennsylvania I remember finding a stack of magazines dad had in a box in one of the rooms we didn't use. It's complicated, the place was big but it was a shithole and some of the rooms didn't get any electricity so we used them for storage. Anyway, most of the magazines were like the usual like playboy and whatever but the one that always stands out to me was one that when I picked it up was already on a page with a woman bent over backwards, hands and feet on the floor, while a man gave her a golden shower. I think there was more piss play stuff in the magazine than just that but like that was the first thing that made me start thinking about piss sexually and kinda lead to me experimenting with it on my own, peeing on myself in the shower once we had a decent one, tasting it, etc.

Aside from that i just remember dad like openly looking at porn on the computer while we were in the room. The only shower in that place was in the basement and didn't get any hot water, and there was no bathtub in the house, so when we needed to bathe we filled up a big plastic tote with hot water and bathed in the dining room which was also the room with the computer, so like imagine me bathing and trying to look around him to see what he was looking at on the computer and like, rubbing myself under the water, which, we all got bubble baths for some kind of privacy so at least there was that.

Just about everything else is different times when we were living in Arizona so I'm not going to bother mentioning the place unless it's somewhere else.

When we were staying with grandma I remember digging through mom and dad's shelves, idk what I was looking for, but I found solid copies of some explicit, illustrated novels that dad had, ones that I haven't been able to find anywhere to actually buy. Gord Books. I can't remember the exact one that I found back then but I've been kind of obsessed with them ever since. I have a digital copy of every one of them I can find, I've even started trying to digitally color some of the pages once or twice. My favorite is Stepford Bound, but that might be mostly because that's just about the only one I've been able to find scanned in with the full text rather than just the illustrations.

But back then I pretty quickly started fantasizing about being the women in the pictures and imagining what was happening in the story happening to me. Actually, I do have the illustrations saved but I can't remember which book it was from offhand, but the one thing I do remember was the character in the book was playing a game called "Coconuts and Corsets" which was like a carnival game that involved throwing a ball to knock coconuts off of some pressure plates and with each one that fell off, it tightened a metal corset around the waist of a woman, so at the time I remember imagining being that woman, having my waist squeezed smaller and smaller so that this man could watch me crying out in pain.

Also while we were there, I remember being on the family computer and finding some videos hidden, one which was simply labeled "fuck.mov" which was a video of a woman getting fisted. The naming lead to me telling one of my friends that "fucking" was "a guy putting his whole hand inside" and she was kind of terrified but we also thought that was like, a specific thing and not just basically "having sex with someone".

Later on, when we were in our own place, I remember being at home alone and finding a pair of weighted nipple clamps in their bedroom. I don't think I realized what they were for at the time, so I just kind of put them back. But, I did find some of their toys hidden in a closet. I mostly remember a huge dildo that fell off the shelf while I was digging, that was about the size of my arm. But there were a few others, and me being me since I had the house to myself I tried one out, not the really big one, but it was uncomfortable because in hindsight I was a little dry and didn't have any lube, on top of it being just a little too big for me back then, but I ended up finishing anyway cause I was horny and determined. I did steal a (rather large, thinking about it) egg vibe that I kept for quite a while before mom found it years later.

As far as that goes I didn't really find much for a while, which might have been because I at that point got a computer in my room and discovered that the internet had a lot of porn on it.

The last thing though was when we were living in Colorado, I found a box that dad was actually storing up in the crawlspace above my room, which in hindsight, knowing what I know about him now, makes me wonder if he WANTED me to find it? It was full of loose discs, some of which had like movies or music on them but the vast majority of which were absolutely full of really varied and hardcore porn, and some other things I'll mention in a sec.

Most of the porn was just pictures but a lot of that was like r**e and snuff art, some animations of women being hanged naked, there were some text files with really graphic r**e stories some of which I think he might actually have written himself? Which, if my theory is right, makes the ones about a father r****g his daughter a little worrying. I didn't think about that at the time, but reading them did make me imagine being the daughter in that situation, and if I'm imagining being the daughter it's kind of hard NOT to imagine that my actual dad is the one r****g me.

The other things, which again are kind of worrying in hindsight, is that he had a lot of things devoted to hypnosis and mind control, there were audio files that were explicitly supposed to brainwash the listener into being a perfect housewife or a bimbo or to obey commands, screenshots of websites with like instructions on how to get your wife or girlfriend to do whatever you wanted, and programs designed to insert subliminal messages into music files or to display them on the computer whenever it was running. And those programs, some of them had like settings files with them that you could personalize and he had two folders of those, one labeled with mom's name which had messages that IIRC were for like making the person want to suck cocks, do anal, dress like a slut, and some other things.

The other folder was just labeled "other" and had a lot of the same files which makes me think it wasn't just like stuff that wasn't in the folder with mom's name on it, but it also had like messages that were supposed to make the viewer horny and want to masturbate, make the viewer an exhibitionist, want to sleep naked, make the viewer fantasize about r**e and abuse. And like I'm trying not to be paranoid but knowing what I know about him now, as the only other female in the house, it's really hard to imagine those settings could be for anyone else. He didn't go anywhere, mom had been the only one working for years at this point and he never left the house, so like who else would the settings in this other folder be for?

Anyway, paranoia aside, I definitely did masturbate to pretty much everything I found on those discs, I even fantasized about being mind controlled or killed. All of this has carried through to adulthood, I still have a lot of these fantasies pretty regularly and I've been with a few people who were also into some of those things but from the other end.

I feel like I should wrap up with some kind of message but like I don't really have one. Watch out what kind of porn you leave lying around for your kids to find cause it could affect their sex life in the future? I guess? I don't really think my parents did anything wrong in this case, I did mainly find these things because I was digging around in places I wasn't supposed to. I don't know. As much as I scare myself sometimes, I like what I like and for the most part I wouldn't really want to change anything about that. I guess if you want more info go ahead and ask?