As a lesbian who had been out for ten years finding myself as the woman in a male relationship was hard. Getting pregnant was the hardest intentional thing I have ever done. I did it to please him. I found myself changing to please him, living with him, playing house with him, and being pregnant. The birth was everything I dreaded, being a mother was overwhelming asking my sister and my mom for help. Getting married. Talk about all the 'I told you sos'. I went all in, changing my name, wearing the rings, staying home with baby fever. I had number two, and a couple of years later number three. I turned 35 with three kids and a house and a husband.

I didn't flip, or change, or get religion. I just could not say no to him. I never felt anything like it before. I have this new life, I am an experienced mom now, and I suppose an experienced wife now. I think about my twenties, I can't find one moment where I thought I would get married and have my own family. The only thing I can point to is turning 30. I guess I just grew up. I will never go back, this is me now. Twenty was fun, thirty five is so much better.

I am going to put straight because I believe I am straight, I just took a detour for ten years.