There isn't a category for confusion and anxiety, so I am putting down Women because in the end they may understand.

I am a 30 year old closet lesbian. I live with my mother because of finances. I had a lover in college, but after I moved home I have to be careful. My mother's friend, her age, fucked me one night. I kept it to myself, but I was pregnant and I had to deal with that. I sought out a clinic and I had an abortion. One year later I was consumed by guilt so I became his secret girlfriend and let myself get pregnant again. When he had sex with me I needed to be kissed, when he kissed me it was easier, as long as he kissed me I was good to go.

The baby was a surprise, and when my mother learned that it was her friend's baby she had a nervous breakdown. Anyway the baby is now three years old and he has all his father's features. I take the baby to daycare during the day and I am working at a gallery which handles budding artists. The manager is a woman in her late thirties and she is very definitely gay. I keep my feelings for her to myself and I make my son's father kiss me. I don't know why when he kisses me it calms down my feelings and makes me want to be with him. I am going to get married to him even if it is a May December marriage. Not just for my son, but for me too.