Growing up I was scared of the eventual penetration experience ahead for me. I graduated from high school a virgin. I graduated from college a virgin. By then I was certain that I would never suffer the humiliation of penetration. I never spoke of it. At the age of thirty six I was followed home, when I opened the door he followed me in. A couple of minutes later I was no longer a virgin. He made me fix him something to eat and give him money. I had paid for my first time.

He came back several times, I fed him, he had sex and would leave. Until he never came back. I went on with my life.

I found a free newspaper at a diner. In the back were adds for social company. Most were from women, but one was a man. He described himself as a 'gift' to lonely women. He promised to excite your desires, privately and anonymously. I called the number and asked for Bob.

Anonymous sex with a man that may or not have been named Bob became my pastime. He insisted on having full control, I surrendered and let him do what he wanted. For two years I called, fixed a day and time and waited for him to show up. I spent money I didn't have, I borrowed from the company with out telling them, I was caught and sentenced to deferred adjudication because my mother sold her house to pay back what I had 'borrowed'. My 'habit' was exposed. One day I called Bob, there was no answer.

I am in therapy and I am in 'recovery' for sex addiction. I don't want recovery, I want Bob. At this point any Bob will do. A Bob who doesn't expect to be paid.