Lesbian Female / 54
In many ways my life has been difficult. In other ways my life has been easy. I was born into a well to do professional family. I married young, I was 22 and I had just graduated from college. I was a virgin. My first penetration was horrible. My second was worse. I didn't have a third penetration voluntarily.
There was no pain. It was the man. The closeness. I had children. I worked myself into accepting penetration for the purpose of getting pregnant. I was what was called a frigid wife. The doctors told me that it happened, but there was no basis for it and it was something that I had to get used to. I never did. I spent a lot of time with a therapist.
My marriage was ok on in all the other ways. I was happy once the children were born and they were out of me. I was happy being the wife. I was happy that I didn't have to work. And I was happy because my husband messed around and had girlfriends. My rule was not to know who they were. I didn't care. If he didn't have a girlfriend then he wanted to have sex with me. I wanted him to have a girlfriend. In spite of the girlfriends I was forced to have sex with him. One way or the other, he figured out how to hold me down and he got penetration and had enough control to usually have ejaculation. That is how my third child was born.
I was thirty five. I was volunteering at the library. I met a woman there who was single, also in her mid thirties. I could not imagine how a good looking woman like her was single. Why she wasn't married bothered me. She had never been married either. I knew spinsters, but they were not nice good looking women. This woman was very good looking. I had to find out, I asked her many times why she didn't find a man. I offered for her to have my husband introduce men to her. She declined, and she evaded my questions.
One afternoon, she and I had been stacking books all afternoon. She came over and gave me a book. It was a novel about two young women that fall in love. It was my first novel of that sort. I read it in one sitting. I gave it back to her the next day and she asked if I understood. I was so stupid I asked her what was I supposed to understand. And her answer was even more difficult to understand, 'me and you, that is what the book is about'. She came up close to me and asked me if I saw myself in that book. She put her hand on my face and kissed me in a long kiss. She separated and looked at me for good while with her hand on my face and kissed me again in a long, long kiss. She said 'me and you, that is what the novel is about'.
We became lovers. As lovers she convinced me to be more receptive to my husband. Don't fight. It didn't matter. He had his girlfriends, and I had my girlfriend. He got naked with his girlfriends and I got naked with my girlfriend. He got down on his girlfriend and I got down on my girlfriend. When he wanted to get with me the best thing to do was to just let it happen. My trick was that when it was happening I was thinking of my girlfriend.
My life has been easy. I have never had a need for money. I have always been loved. I have children. I have a husband. I have a home. I have a safe retirement. I have a secret life that makes me guilty and makes me happy. I found a girlfriend in my mid thirties that exploded sex for both of us. Everything I was told to do by my therapist I did with her and it worked. I gave myself to her. Gave, surrendered, belonged to her. And she surrendered and belonged to me. My husband's girlfriends came and went. My girlfriend stayed.
I help my friend, I let her live in a rent house we bought for something her social security can afford. I am an easy landlord. I am always giving her things. I make the mistake of having a close relationship with my tenant. What do I do when I go see her? Just because I have know her all my life doesn't mean I am responsible for her. My children do not know. My husband tells them that sometimes you have to help a friend.
If my children knew that their mother gets naked with her girlfriend and takes a long hot bath with her, and she lays on a big bed with her and kisses and makes love with her they would die. They know their father is always chasing women. They don't know about their mother's lover.
There was no pain. It was the man. The closeness. I had children. I worked myself into accepting penetration for the purpose of getting pregnant. I was what was called a frigid wife. The doctors told me that it happened, but there was no basis for it and it was something that I had to get used to. I never did. I spent a lot of time with a therapist.
My marriage was ok on in all the other ways. I was happy once the children were born and they were out of me. I was happy being the wife. I was happy that I didn't have to work. And I was happy because my husband messed around and had girlfriends. My rule was not to know who they were. I didn't care. If he didn't have a girlfriend then he wanted to have sex with me. I wanted him to have a girlfriend. In spite of the girlfriends I was forced to have sex with him. One way or the other, he figured out how to hold me down and he got penetration and had enough control to usually have ejaculation. That is how my third child was born.
I was thirty five. I was volunteering at the library. I met a woman there who was single, also in her mid thirties. I could not imagine how a good looking woman like her was single. Why she wasn't married bothered me. She had never been married either. I knew spinsters, but they were not nice good looking women. This woman was very good looking. I had to find out, I asked her many times why she didn't find a man. I offered for her to have my husband introduce men to her. She declined, and she evaded my questions.
One afternoon, she and I had been stacking books all afternoon. She came over and gave me a book. It was a novel about two young women that fall in love. It was my first novel of that sort. I read it in one sitting. I gave it back to her the next day and she asked if I understood. I was so stupid I asked her what was I supposed to understand. And her answer was even more difficult to understand, 'me and you, that is what the book is about'. She came up close to me and asked me if I saw myself in that book. She put her hand on my face and kissed me in a long kiss. She separated and looked at me for good while with her hand on my face and kissed me again in a long, long kiss. She said 'me and you, that is what the novel is about'.
We became lovers. As lovers she convinced me to be more receptive to my husband. Don't fight. It didn't matter. He had his girlfriends, and I had my girlfriend. He got naked with his girlfriends and I got naked with my girlfriend. He got down on his girlfriend and I got down on my girlfriend. When he wanted to get with me the best thing to do was to just let it happen. My trick was that when it was happening I was thinking of my girlfriend.
My life has been easy. I have never had a need for money. I have always been loved. I have children. I have a husband. I have a home. I have a safe retirement. I have a secret life that makes me guilty and makes me happy. I found a girlfriend in my mid thirties that exploded sex for both of us. Everything I was told to do by my therapist I did with her and it worked. I gave myself to her. Gave, surrendered, belonged to her. And she surrendered and belonged to me. My husband's girlfriends came and went. My girlfriend stayed.
I help my friend, I let her live in a rent house we bought for something her social security can afford. I am an easy landlord. I am always giving her things. I make the mistake of having a close relationship with my tenant. What do I do when I go see her? Just because I have know her all my life doesn't mean I am responsible for her. My children do not know. My husband tells them that sometimes you have to help a friend.
If my children knew that their mother gets naked with her girlfriend and takes a long hot bath with her, and she lays on a big bed with her and kisses and makes love with her they would die. They know their father is always chasing women. They don't know about their mother's lover.
