Straight Female / 38
I have been thinking of this for a long time. I am trapped now and there is no reasonable way out.
I swallowed the cool aid. I went to college, got a business degree, got hired by a Big Four Accounting firm, passed the CPA, worked the 60 to 70 hour weeks. I got promoted on time. I was on the road to become Manager. A client had a man who would talk to me. He always made conversation and it was always about why I wasn't married, that I was a waste because I was unmarried without children. He was touching a button so I always engaged in the dialog, even when it went south and he put me down. One day he asked me if I had even ever had sex, or if I was one of those women who went down on other women. He made me tell him out loud, he held my face with his hand and shook my face and made me tell him I liked dick. I was 30 and I was a virgin.
He wasn't gentle with me, he forced his dick down my throat, I gagged and vomited. He forced his dick up my ass. He forced his dick in me and he ejaculated without allowing me to have any protection. He made me get pregnant. After I was pregnant my life in the professional world came to an end. For the next four years I was pregnant and taking care of newborn babies.
With my third baby he allowed me to have some help. I hired a woman, a woman with a degree in education who didn't like working for the school system. My now husband told me she was unfuckable. She was destined to use her maternal instincts on another woman's children. Because she was working for me he wanted me to go another round and have a fourth.
I am 38 years old now, my four kids are all doing fine. I don't work outside the home. My nanny is still with me, she takes care of most of the hard work with them. She also is there for after school and teaching. My husband is used to her, but he is still of the opinion that she is unfuckable. She has an attitude and she never looks attractive. She is ok around him, but complains about him when he is not there. I tell her that life is what it is, I use to be a career woman and look at me now. I can't explain it, and she shouldn't try.
After children I have a very high sex drive. Higher than he wants to deal with. I am perpetually feeling unfulfilled. If he didn't work the hours he does, he would probably be able to satisfy me. But as it is I work out at the gym, and use toy friends to pleasure myself when I take a bath. I have this unanswered question, whether my nanny ever gets sex, does she even want sex, or does she have her toys as well? She never talks about sex.
I have nightmares that one day she is going to walk in on me while I am masturbating. I lock the door, I always have, even when the kids were real little. I bought these clips that I use on my nipples. I am obsessed with them now. I have both a vibrator and a hand held dildo. The vibrator to start but without the hand held dildo for penetration I can't seem to have an orgasm. In the tub I only use the dildo and the nipple clips. I want penetration, the more the better. I mean I want penetration from my husband. My fantasies when I masturbate is that he comes home, finds me doing something he doesn't like, and hauls me off to the bedroom and punishes me.
The most he ever does is make me sit and listen to his lecture about spending too much money or not taking care of the kids well enough. If I am that bad why doesn't he punish me with his hand. My first orgasm was when he shook my face and made me tell him I wanted dick. He doesn't understand that I need to feel his wrath. He hasn't fucked me in the ass for a long time. I don't like it, but that shouldn't stop him from doing it. He says I am bored. I say I am frustrated, I need more dick. I can say it now, out loud. I can tell him to give me dick.
I don't understand how my nanny can live without having dick. I can't swear that she has never had sex, but I am about as sure as it can be. As an auditor I would sign the opinion that she is a virgin. I came very close to giving her my dildo and telling her to get some use out of it. Of course I didn't, I kept it for myself.
One last note, my youngest daughter is going to turn four. I have flushed my birth control down the toilet. What happens happens. I need more dick, if I don't have another baby how am I going to justify my nanny? Really, though I just want to get pregnant. My husband likes me pregnant and I like being pregnant for him.
I swallowed the cool aid. I went to college, got a business degree, got hired by a Big Four Accounting firm, passed the CPA, worked the 60 to 70 hour weeks. I got promoted on time. I was on the road to become Manager. A client had a man who would talk to me. He always made conversation and it was always about why I wasn't married, that I was a waste because I was unmarried without children. He was touching a button so I always engaged in the dialog, even when it went south and he put me down. One day he asked me if I had even ever had sex, or if I was one of those women who went down on other women. He made me tell him out loud, he held my face with his hand and shook my face and made me tell him I liked dick. I was 30 and I was a virgin.
He wasn't gentle with me, he forced his dick down my throat, I gagged and vomited. He forced his dick up my ass. He forced his dick in me and he ejaculated without allowing me to have any protection. He made me get pregnant. After I was pregnant my life in the professional world came to an end. For the next four years I was pregnant and taking care of newborn babies.
With my third baby he allowed me to have some help. I hired a woman, a woman with a degree in education who didn't like working for the school system. My now husband told me she was unfuckable. She was destined to use her maternal instincts on another woman's children. Because she was working for me he wanted me to go another round and have a fourth.
I am 38 years old now, my four kids are all doing fine. I don't work outside the home. My nanny is still with me, she takes care of most of the hard work with them. She also is there for after school and teaching. My husband is used to her, but he is still of the opinion that she is unfuckable. She has an attitude and she never looks attractive. She is ok around him, but complains about him when he is not there. I tell her that life is what it is, I use to be a career woman and look at me now. I can't explain it, and she shouldn't try.
After children I have a very high sex drive. Higher than he wants to deal with. I am perpetually feeling unfulfilled. If he didn't work the hours he does, he would probably be able to satisfy me. But as it is I work out at the gym, and use toy friends to pleasure myself when I take a bath. I have this unanswered question, whether my nanny ever gets sex, does she even want sex, or does she have her toys as well? She never talks about sex.
I have nightmares that one day she is going to walk in on me while I am masturbating. I lock the door, I always have, even when the kids were real little. I bought these clips that I use on my nipples. I am obsessed with them now. I have both a vibrator and a hand held dildo. The vibrator to start but without the hand held dildo for penetration I can't seem to have an orgasm. In the tub I only use the dildo and the nipple clips. I want penetration, the more the better. I mean I want penetration from my husband. My fantasies when I masturbate is that he comes home, finds me doing something he doesn't like, and hauls me off to the bedroom and punishes me.
The most he ever does is make me sit and listen to his lecture about spending too much money or not taking care of the kids well enough. If I am that bad why doesn't he punish me with his hand. My first orgasm was when he shook my face and made me tell him I wanted dick. He doesn't understand that I need to feel his wrath. He hasn't fucked me in the ass for a long time. I don't like it, but that shouldn't stop him from doing it. He says I am bored. I say I am frustrated, I need more dick. I can say it now, out loud. I can tell him to give me dick.
I don't understand how my nanny can live without having dick. I can't swear that she has never had sex, but I am about as sure as it can be. As an auditor I would sign the opinion that she is a virgin. I came very close to giving her my dildo and telling her to get some use out of it. Of course I didn't, I kept it for myself.
One last note, my youngest daughter is going to turn four. I have flushed my birth control down the toilet. What happens happens. I need more dick, if I don't have another baby how am I going to justify my nanny? Really, though I just want to get pregnant. My husband likes me pregnant and I like being pregnant for him.
