Last night it happened again. My husband took me and my best friend who lives with us out to dinner. As always, she and I sit on one side of the booth and he sits across from us. As always she sits right beside me, leg to leg. We hold hands under the table. We share the dinner. We stay up until two or three talking, my husband watches tv and goes to bed. Going to bed hurts, we stand in the door of her room for an hour or more, holding hands or leaning on each other. When I get in bed with my husband he turns and holds me, but I am thinking of her, upstairs and all alone.

My husband says he doesn't mind, as long as it is her. He knows that we are close, like two peas in a pod. Take care of her, he tells me. Not many people have someone who is that close. Breakfast is our time, he gets up and runs, and we hang out until he is done with his run. He showers while we get breakfast ready. When he leaves for work we clean up, do the wash, or the housework, get dressed, go to the library or whatever, we prepare dinner. Sometimes we watch a movie or tv, or we just sit on the couch and nap or talk.

We are going to return to school next semester. It is just not the same, we had to drop out to move when my husband graduated and started his job. The university here is smaller and a religious school. We just need to finish our degree.

We have feelings, sometimes they are very strong, but we are stronger. But last night it hurt so much I cried. I want to hold her sometimes, and last night was one of those nights. Hold her in my arms, up tight against my chest, and just hug her and hold her. Like before I got married, when we were roomies.