I never expected to end up in a situation where I was unable to support myself and I lived and slept with a man for support.

I was a good student and I graduated with high marks and I had a very good job working for a financial company. At the company I met a guy and he convinced me that we could start a company, he would manage the operations and sales and I would manage the business and back office. He knew some bankers and we borrowed a whole lot of money. And we had to both put our names on the loans, joint and severable.

Bottom line, he took the money we borrowed, he financed the equipment but did not use the money to pay for it, this was additional indebtedness that was prohibited by the loan. When I found out what he did I told him we had to disclose and correct. He took the money we had in cash, and he split, left the country. The lenders pursued but were unable to secure any funds for the equipment because the equipment loan stood first in line and they got the equipment back, leaving me as the sole borrower responsible for the loan. And as additional enforcement, I was sued for the transgression, personally.

I not only lost my job, which had been a good job, I lost everything I owned, I owe so much money to the lawyers, I owe so much money to the lenders, I had to declare bankruptcy and sell my house for the equity to satisfy what I could of the loan. I know that in big business the numbers are huge, but individually even several hundred thousand is huge. I ended up on the couch of a friend. 32 years old, unemployed, broke and bankrupt, without any chance of getting a job doing what I studied for. I don't deny that I was a partner and I am responsible for that, I was blind and never expected to be caught up in this.

And so here I am, living with a man who supports me, sleeping with a man who supports me, totally dependent on a man who supports me. I try to tell myself that I am not sleeping with him because he supports me, but if I wasn't in this situation I would not be living with him and I would certainly not be sleeping with him. I am not opposed to sex, and I am not opposed to a man having what he pays for. I get my allowance twice a month, it is always in my bank account, I have spending money that he gives me every week for out of pocket expenses, he provides me with a nice car and he has never yelled at me or tried to hurt me. Millions of women would give up everything for the opportunity to live the way I do. But every time I have sex with him I know why I am in his bed, even if he never makes mention of it.

I am not a whore, but I am a bought for and kept woman. He never could get me to the altar so he bought me instead. The net present value of what I owe him is that I will sleep with him until one of us dies.

You know what is sad, my sister kids me and tells me that he doesn't have to put a ring on my finger because he put a collar on me instead.