Since i was a child i felt like i am inferior than others .
I remember that others kids often did not like me . My mother was strict and smacked me . I started to jealous from a young age the appearance of other girls . In primary school i was jealous my best friend . In secondary school and high school i was jealous my second best friend who i am close with until these days . I feel like nobody like me for who i am . I feel like i am inferior and confined and i am sick of it . When i was a teenager i wanted friends so much and i was emotional but i remember that others laughed at me thinking i am stupid and then i started to have anger inside me . I started to hate myself.

Now i feel empty . I am not as emotional as i was in my childhood and pubery . You may think i am a bad person but really i don't really care about anyone not even my parents, i only care if they have money to give me . And if my sister is at our house i get annoyed . And i don't want to pretend like i care when someone tells me something . To be honest there are people who treat me nice but it does not touch me in my heart . I start wanting to control other people and i would like it if they afraid of me .

I need people when i am alone because i believe if i am alone it wiil destroy me and maybe i end up killing myself someday. I usually like the company of people i jealous , if i don't jealous someone then he/she is indifferent to me . But when i have people close to me i don't want them and i don't care about them and they left me empty . I am egocentric person , i know many people wouldnt like me for this . Deep down i like this side of me , the side that wants to control people but also deep down i have guilty because i must not feel this way .

I express this side of myself when i like evil characters from cartoons . I often sympathise with little spoiled girls who jealous and wants control the world and use their parents for anything they want . Maybe its good i have not a super power because i believe i would be arrogant and more egoistic than now that i feel like i'm nothing .

I am in my own world , although i live with guilty i think i want to have sex with a lot of people or doing drugs so i can live a life to the fullest .
it would be great if i was always drunk because then i feel free more than when i am sober . Also i would like to wear clothes from victorian era and go outside and feel like prince . I had always a desire to dress like a man also to be like a drang king and go dance live in a shop with other women . I like to read sex stories and hoping that someday i would do them too in real . Also i like to read other people stories from internet because i don't feel so alone even if i don't know these people and they don't know me , and i believe that maybe with some way i can understand what happening in this world .