I did something supremely stupid a few months ago, but at the time it turned me on so much.

I'd been suicidal for a while (I'm not anymore, I think doing this might actually have helped that.)

So, my roommate is kind of an asshole who will just open my door without even knocking first, that's important. What I did was, I have a fucking machine. If you don't know what that is it's a little machine that uses a motor to make a dildo thrust, so I could set it up to fuck me.

I taped a long steak knife to the end of mine. I tied a rope (I know what you're thinking, why not just hang yourself? Well that didn't seem like much fun at the time, this seemed like more of a game, a bet with myself as to whether or not I would die) to the controls so that if it was pulled it would yank the speed the whole way up. I set it up in the middle of my bed. The plan was to tie myself to the bed, legs spread, fucking machine ready to go off and turn my pussy into hamburger, but I needed a way to let myself out after however long. Not just because it wouldn't be as fun if I was guaranteed to just die, but because if it went wrong I'd just be stuck tied to my bed for however long.

I figured out that these candles I had for hot wax play take about 2 hours to burn the whole way out. So, I set it up so that once the candle burned down far enough it would drop my handcuff keys. I only had one set of cuffs, so once I unlocked that one I'd have to untie myself the rest of the way, but the setup worked.

So I get the rope tied from the switch to the doorknob of my room, tie my ankles to the bed and position the tip of the knife just about half an inch inside me, light the candle, tie my wrist to the bedpost, and cuff my other wrist to the other bedpost.

I lay there for two hours. About half an hour in, a little earlier than I expected, I hear my roommate come home. I hear him walk around the rest of the apartment and any time I hear him get close I imagine him pulling my door open, I imagine the knife plunging into my pussy repeatedly, the tip and the serrated edge of it tearing me up inside. I imagine my roommate freaking out once he realizes what happened, but by the time he'd get to me to do anything that knife would have been inside me who knows how many times.

But he didn't open the door. At lest not before I freed myself and put away the machine and everything.

After I got the suicide machine put away I felt, I don't know, warm? Not physically but like, inside. I felt like if I believed in that sort of thing that it was some kind of sign, I felt better about being alive.

And I felt horny.

So I gagged myself, I took the handcuffs, cuffed my hands behind my back, dropped the key over by the door, and laid on my bed. I knew he'd do it. I knew he'd open the door without knocking first, it was only a matter of when.

Sure enough he did. He threw the door open and whatever he was about to say dropped immediately. I stared at him and didn't try to say anything. He stood there for a minute just staring at me and I spread my legs a little bit.

I think that got him to take the hint. He came in and closed the door behind him, not that there was anyone else in the apartment. I laid there while he stared at me, he looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't. He touched me. He played with my breasts at first then kinda let his hands roam over my body.

It didn't seem like he was going to make the next leap though so I rolled over onto my belly and put my ass up, hoping he'd get the hint again.

Next thing I heard him unzip his pants. I feel a hand on my hip and the tip of his cock rubbing my slit before he pushes it in. I feel both hands on my hips while he pushes his cock the rest of the way in. I won't say he filled me up or stretched me out or anything, his dick wasn't huge, just idk, average I guess? But it felt good either way. Without realizing it I had started moaning through my gag. I couldn't get over the edge though, my clit needed some attention for that, but I didn't know how to communicate that to him so I just let enjoy my pussy. He pulled out and came on my back, then helped me out of the handcuffs.

I didn't tell him about the suicide thing, but I told him I knew he'd open my bedroom door eventually so I thought I'd surprise him.

I don't live with that roommate anymore, but we had sex a few more times after that while we did still live together.