I didn't have the courage to go to a job interview afraid I would look ugly and fat and its a CBD main store I thought "come off it who am I kidding they won't employ an old dog like me?" I didn't sleep much last night worrying about the interview and had chest pain and had to get more medications and couldn't cope. I feel like a loser that I never try hard enough for work or love or anything anymore. its just that so many slaps in the face and kick backs you stop boring to be anyone at all. I have no need for love or much. I am jealous and angry to the point if I were weaker I would be a homicide maniac by now. i try to not focus on what i missed out on but i what i gain. i wanted marriage and kids and education and career but no one else wanted those things for me. and I will never want to be him no matter what he does. I ignore him and live my life.