I have a conflicting emotional attachment to a much older man. I grew up as an only child without a father. My mother worked, but her jobs were always clerical. I met this man in my late teens, still in high school at a job. He grabs me, he holds me, he kisses me, he insists that I sit in his lap. I don't date because no one I have ever presented to him is acceptable. I'm not kidding, he has used the toilet in front of me, just walked in to the bathroom and unzipped his pants and used the toilet with me standing there.

In Macy's he was buying me a dress and he stayed in the dressing room the entire time. He examined every dress I tried on until he approved of one. Then he took me to the lingerie department and bought me underwear.

In the interest of full disclosure I admit that he gives me money, he pretty much supported me to go to college, I don't have any student debts, but he made me work every summer.

He says I am out of college now and ripe for the taking. I feel that he wants me, to have sex with me. His kisses now are not just on my cheeks, he wants lip kisses and several weeks ago at a restaurant where we were with some other people he mentioned to them that I was about as ready as you get to be put to work as a woman. That he had been preparing me for the biggest job of my life.

Last night was the closest night he has come to getting me in bed. He took me back to my apartment after dinner with some friends. He demanded a full kiss and he grabbed my breast while he kissed me. I let him hold me for a while and let him kiss me but I told him I was on my period. That is the only way I got away.

Next weekend we are going to go to Washington D.C. to see some friends. I have never had sex. Soon he is going to have the woman he wants.