Confession #3270 | Anonymous Confessions

- Dysfunctional Family Secrets -

I've been married for 15 ears to a man that I like very much. "Like" being the operative word here. I don't love him. There, I said it. I don't love him. I never have. He wasn't a rebound from another relationship years ago. I just have never had that deep. crazy-in-love feeling for him. He's awonderful man. Kind, caring, a good father. We live more like room mates that as a married couple. We have no sex life - none, nada, zero. We're nice to each other. We laugh a lot. We're like two really good friends.

We have three children. A nice home. We're comfortable financially. My hsband is an executive at a company he's been with for 20 years. I work part-time, not out of want, but more for "fun" since our kids are in school all day.All of our friends think were this great couple. I can't take it any more. I want out. I hate living like this. I am so lonely. I long to have someone that will embrace me and love me. The problem is, this is such a HUGE deal. I think about all of the people this would effect. Our kids, the families, friends. Our living arrangemens. What do I do? Do I leave? Do I ask him to go? I find the whole thing unbearable and I am so depressed. I've seen what divorce does to families. I am a wreck, please help me.

Like 6
Dislike 0

# 3270 - by Anonymous

Comments

by Anonymous

Just because you like him doesn't mean that your marriage is worth throwing away.You have to work at it. Voice your needs to your husband, he doesn't know it if you won't say it . All men are not pyschic and they can't be expected to be everytime we need something. You always hear people say that communication is the key. Well in your case that is one of the keys. Have you ever talked face to face calmly and told him how you are hurting, has he ever told you anything that allowed you to know how he was feeling? You have so much at stake to allow your marriage to be dissolved by the lack to let a few words come out of your mouth. You are friendly , talk to him. Maybe you will love him one day, but you have to see if you can work things out. You may also need to speak to a professional who may be able to help you more. Speak to a trusted clergy who may give you more advice on marriage. Pray for answers. I hope you find the answers that you are searching for.

God Bless

(0) (0)

Get a divorce. Marriage is overrated. Don't pray to god.
There is no god. Even if there was a god, he wouldn't help you anyway. Get a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Reply 488,

Thank you for your kind, genuine words. I don't want to throw this all away, but I feel so lost. I've seen what divorce does. It's horrible. I am so lonely. I have great friends, a large family, an active social life, but I still feel so isolated because of how I'm feeling. I miss the bond and intimacy between a husband and wife. I feel so much guilt because he is such a good man and deserves better than this! Just wrting that "I don't love him" made me a nervous wreck! The first steps of acknowledging this are going to be the hardest, I know that. I could never say those words to him, face to face, it would crush him.

Thank you for your support. I really can't discuss this with people that know me. I would be too affraid that itwould get back to him and I would be too embarassed to let anyone know how I feel. The second reply that came through was obviously no help! I do pray and ask God for help and to lead me in the right direction. If it wasn't for the power of prayer, I don't know if I'd still be here right now.

Bye for now, 488. Take care & God Bless!

Being a Panthiest, I understand religious people pray, but I would go more in the direction of marriage counceling.

I have been married for 16 years, 3 kids,live comfortably ,work PT out of boredom, kids in school full time.

SAME situation. A few years ago I was having the same feelings. You are in a prime spot to have an affair.

DON'T DO IT!!! Even if you are not even thinking about it now, given the drive and the opportinity (you may have both) it can certainly happen.

I would seek marriage counceling and forget the embarrassment. Leaving the marriage will effect EVERYBODY.

If you have a good life, good kids and a husband that is respectful and kind...count your blessings!Don't be selfish and/or impetuous.

Thank you for your input. I would not think of having an affair. I wouldn't cheat on my husband, regardless of what dismay I am feeling. Since you were in the same situation at one time, may I ask you a few questions?

How do I go about finding a good counselor?
Do I go on my own, or do I have my husband come too?
How much time do you figure it took before you saw/felt a difference in the relationship once you received help?
While in counseling, did you find conversation outside of the dr's office easier or more difficult with your spouse?
Are you still receiving counseling? If so, how are things going for you?

I appreciate the honesty I am receiving. Thanks again for your help.

#1 Ask friends about counceling, you'd be surprized how many of your freinds go.
#2 I would do both. Go on your own and with partner.
#3 For us, about 3 months to a year.
#4 Both. We understood eachother better, but also got a couple of slaps in the face (figuratively)
#5 No, we do not still see a councelor, but it did help
#6 You know how it is with kids..you can't be as spontanious as we used to be a LONG time ago. We have to remind eachother all day with cute little sayings like "drink plenty of coffee" I know it's not sexy, but we both know that it means "stay awake and be ready for action"
There was a LONG time that we would go a month or two between sex and sometimes it wasn't very loving , but out of lust

I have to tell you, my husband just read your original post and thought I wrote it. I had to tell him that I just wrote the reply.
That's how similar the situations are/were. He was very hurt dejected feeling. After I explained that I replied because of the similarity to our previous situation he said to me;
"If you ever feel like that again will you please tell me"?
I said "alright then..I do (feel lonely)"
I reminded him that we haven't had a date in months. I said the date didn't HAVE to be out to dinner..bla, bla. I just wanted some time after the kids went to bed. I know what I'm doing tonight.

It is definately a work in progress....forever. That may not be appealing to some who are discontent, but try to make it work first.If it still doesn't then do whay is best for everyone. I hate when people say "do what is right for YOU" That's a load of crap..there is more than one person involved especially when there are kids.

Initiate sex if you have to..even if you are not totally in the mood. Do it anyway, you'd be surprized how close you can get from having sex 3-5-7 times a week.

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. To have had your husband read this and think it was your posting really says something. Sometimes I feel that I fill my day with things with the kids, their schools, sports, etc because I know at the end of the day, that's all there is.

It's very hard to be intimate with someone when you don't feel the passion. I tried - believe me I tried! I started to wonder if his lack of involment with me was the result of maybe an affair at his office (which to my knowledge is not the case). We're just not that type of people. Most every aspect of our marriage is great. I can't complain. Other than weekend early morning golf dates and playing darts every now and again, he is home. Not just taking up space but involved with the kids, taking care of the house, etc. This is why I feel so much guilt. If he was some drunken bum than I'd think "well, serves him right, who'd want him" but he is so far from that end of the spectrum!

So how do I bring up the subject of counseling? It's not like this would come as a complete surprise to him, but to go talk with someone and have to sit across from a stranger and spill my guts, well, I don't know about that. Here it is easy. Other than the occassional "nut case" that throws in some weird comment, I believe most people are genuine with what they write.

I know that we will all be better off if I can face the music and do something about this. I don't think my kids know anything. Maybe that's the wrong term to use. I'm sure they know Mom isn't happy. Another part to have to face. Am I slighting my kids by not giving my full attention/potential to them? Some days it's a struggle to just get out of bed and start the day. If it wasn't for the kids, I don't know what I'd do sometimes. They keep me "here".

We NEVER fight. Which I think is just as bad as always fighting. By never fighting, it shows that we don't commnicate well. But we've never slung "crap" at each other to make a point.

Just by weriting this I feel some sense of relief but also anxiety. I've always said that "I love my misery" because it's MY misery. I use the analogy that it is a physical being. I can take "it" out of it's box, play with it,look at it, and them put it back in it's box and stick it far, far away in the back of a dark closet and not deal with it.

Now you've got me with the box on the table and the lid is off! (Almost sounds lke some creey Stephen King novel, but the wrong "IT"!!)

Thanks again...

You might just be too old fashioned so to speak. So you have it all but the intimate part of the marriage. That's a whole lot. Most run into all kinds of issues due to kids, jobs, money, or all of the above. Sounds like your doing ok with all that and your convinced the intimate part will never happen with him and I'm betting all the others will not happen with another guy now; maybe it will after the kids are out of the house. So..... you need a hot sloppy messy sexual partner for now and since there's no sex with hubby, I wouldn't even think of a hot encounter as cheeting. Think about it.... that way everyone is happy for now. You just have to learn and accept there is love and there is sex and they don't always happen with the same person. (written by a 55 yr old guy who's been around the block)

Wow...no, A sex partner on the side is not something I would seek.But thanks for the suggestion...I think!

Never mind him. You're welcome and I'm glad that I could help. When you talk about you're own misery, its something that you can control. Its something that you have some influence over and something that you can do something about. Do you feel that you are more confident in your misery than in your ability to work things out with your husband. I know that things may seem to create anxiety in you about how you or your husband might react towards trying to face your problem. But how many choices do you have? You have to give something a chance. You never know until you try. Try something to create an interest like playing darts with him. Try to find some kind of comfortable atmosphere and have a calm conversation. Pray about the task at hand. I believe that you will be able to work on things together.

God Bless

God bless my ass. There is no God.

Oh brother, another nut case - God Bless you anyway, you non-believer!

Did you ever see God other than in your mind?

Ok, are you done? We all get that you don't believe in God...now go do something constructive, like kill yourself...ok?

What the fuck is your problem? I can't kill myself. According to the bible from what I heard, is a sin.

What proof do you have that God exists? Don't say the fucking bible is proof you stupid Christian.

I am allowed to not believe in the God man or is it a woman?
Nobody knows, do they?

So take your bible and shove it up your Christian ass.

You are an angry little man (probably have a little penis, too) ever thought about theraphy? What does any of your rambling have to do with this topic? Since you don't believe in God, than it would not be a problem for you to kill yourself, and by the way you write, the sooner the better...have a nice day! Peace!

What Oxymoronic statements.

One sentence he/she writes "God Bless"
the next he/she writes "go kill yourself"

Another hypocritic christian at work
I think your Devil's advocate proved his/her point.

I think you have replied to the wrong post.

You spelled therapy incorrectly christian sir.

You are telling me to kill myself? What kind of a christian are you little christian person.

GOD DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS OF COURSE IS JUST MY OPINION.

I SAW A COUPLE OF PEOPLE YESTERDAY MORNING AT EAT 'N' PARK
AND THEY WERE PRAYING BEFORE THEY ATE THEIR BREAKFAST. THEY LOOKED LIKE IDIOTS.

Over 40,960+ Anonymous Confessions Shared!

Comments

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

by Anonymous

Comment this

Top Confessions

Popular Confessions