On two occasions, I have caused minor mayhem with my ass.
1. When I was a sophomore in college, I went to a night club with friends. I had horrible gas. While I was doing a particularly poor job of dancing, I allowed one of the most demonic, straight out of sulfur burning hell farts to escape onto the dance floor. Fortunately, the music was loud enough to cover the noise, but the noise was nothing compared to the stench. I noticed the dance floor becoming less crowded almost immediately, and turned to see two hot girls with the most horrified grimaces on their faces, trying their best to exit the dance floor, waving hands in front of their faces, as if someone had just opened a can of nerve gas right in front of them. I was glad to see their faces, because it allowed me to laugh about the experience almost immediately.
2. Another time, more recently, I was riding a train in Japan. It was late at night, and I was headed home from some event I can't remember, but there were only three people in my car of the train--two young ladies and I. I had eaten something particularly strange that day, and it was wreaking havoc on my large intestine. I stood up, trying to give the painful gas somewhere to go, but in the process, it went straight out into the almost empty train car. It would have been fine if mine had been the next stop, but, as it turned out, my stop was around 3 or 4 stops away, so I just faced the door, and acted like I was looking out the window, when in fact, I was watching the ladies in the reflection. I could almost see the stink moving toward them, and I got to see every moment of their horrible realization that they were trapped in a train with a shite demon that had come from my ass. I could only watch stone faced, as their faces scrunched up, their eyes grew large, and they began to talk about the smell and point at me, thinking that I could not see them. I thought about apologizing, but my shame and horror at having released that thing made me stand there and continue pretending to look out the window. My stop on the train line seemed to become farther away, and when it finally arrived, I oozed off of the train, hanging my head low. Only in writing this story have I been able to finally laugh about it.
1. When I was a sophomore in college, I went to a night club with friends. I had horrible gas. While I was doing a particularly poor job of dancing, I allowed one of the most demonic, straight out of sulfur burning hell farts to escape onto the dance floor. Fortunately, the music was loud enough to cover the noise, but the noise was nothing compared to the stench. I noticed the dance floor becoming less crowded almost immediately, and turned to see two hot girls with the most horrified grimaces on their faces, trying their best to exit the dance floor, waving hands in front of their faces, as if someone had just opened a can of nerve gas right in front of them. I was glad to see their faces, because it allowed me to laugh about the experience almost immediately.
2. Another time, more recently, I was riding a train in Japan. It was late at night, and I was headed home from some event I can't remember, but there were only three people in my car of the train--two young ladies and I. I had eaten something particularly strange that day, and it was wreaking havoc on my large intestine. I stood up, trying to give the painful gas somewhere to go, but in the process, it went straight out into the almost empty train car. It would have been fine if mine had been the next stop, but, as it turned out, my stop was around 3 or 4 stops away, so I just faced the door, and acted like I was looking out the window, when in fact, I was watching the ladies in the reflection. I could almost see the stink moving toward them, and I got to see every moment of their horrible realization that they were trapped in a train with a shite demon that had come from my ass. I could only watch stone faced, as their faces scrunched up, their eyes grew large, and they began to talk about the smell and point at me, thinking that I could not see them. I thought about apologizing, but my shame and horror at having released that thing made me stand there and continue pretending to look out the window. My stop on the train line seemed to become farther away, and when it finally arrived, I oozed off of the train, hanging my head low. Only in writing this story have I been able to finally laugh about it.
