Not a gay bone in your body ? Yea right
You my friend are a victim of child sexual abuse. I know I was abused too. I know how you feel I am there too. I can share that with male childhood sexual abuse needs to be handled differently then female sexual abuse. When a woman is raped she feels violated. When a male is raped he feels shame because he enjoyed it. This is your issue my friend that you feel bad and are beating yourself up because you enjoyed it. I have wrestled my whole adult life with these issues too. In my mind I enjoyed the feelings forced upon me even thought I know I am straight. I wonder sometimes am I bisexual if I enjoyed sex with men? I am so tortured inside. After 23 yrs of marriage and separated 3 yrs my current girlfriend has helped me explore fetishes like crossdressing and strapon. I am so attracted to women but I also know something is wrong with me inside that is deep rooted. I have looked at this very deeply in many ways. I am very hurting and very lonely and also know that almost know one understands. There is a very high possibility that I hate myself and just don't care and am sick of being tortured inside. I can't help but wonder how different I would be if I really were gay. Some women are very sensitive and understanding about this type of issues. My suggestion is find a woman who you can be fully open about all of this. It may be wise to consider yourself forcefully bisexual not by choice so you don't get rejected find a women that like bisexual men. Not saying you are just you will feel better if your girl is OK with the activities you have been involved in. Hope this helps.
