I feel a lot of things right now. For one, I'm disappointed in myself (I think). I'm in college and rooming with my best friend. His name is Josh. I've known him for 11 years and we've always gotten along really well (yes, I'm male). Anyway, I made a mistake the other day that I'm really struggling with. We were drinking some beers, I got really drunk after about 6 or 7 of them. Someone came over, someone he knows but hasn't for very long. Anyway, after about five minutes he pulled out some cocaine.
I'd never done cocaine before. It cleared up the drunken haze I was feeling. We all did it, but I seemed to like it the most (or it's possible I just had the hardest time controlling my enthusiasm). The guy who brought it over left after about an hour, and then it was just the two of us. We got to talking about a lot of different things, and eventually the conversation turned to sex. Josh has a girlfriend (has never had a hard time with girls) and is definitely an attractive guy. I don't have a girlfriend and have struggled with this for years. It's not that I'm not attractive (I'm not Brad Pitt) but I'm surely more shy than he is. I've only had a few girlfriends in my life, and it's been a long time since the last one.
Anyway, I don't really know how else to say this other than to say it: the coke made me really horny. I don't know how it happened (God, I'm so ashamed), but before long I started asking him a lot of personal questions about how often he had sex, who he had it with, if he got a lot of blow jobs, for one. Then he asked me, "Why, you wanna give me one or something?" Before I knew what I was doing, impulsively, I told him I would. He said, "Whoa, I was just kidding dude!" but somehow, a minute or so later I was undoing his belt. And I did it.
The whole thing lasted about five minutes. I had him in my mouth before I realized I didn't stop to think about doing this. Then I was doing it. It was nice, actually, having a rock hard cock right up in my face to do what I want with. I sucked and nuzzled the head, licked underneath the head where we're most sensitive and I felt him shiver. That turned me on. It was like I had power. I just sucked him, slowly, gently. When he started grunting sort of, his cock throbbed a little in my mouth, then all of a sudden I tasted some salty liquid. Pre-cum. I kept at it, taking him in my mouth, using my hand to follow up so as to increase his pleasure. Then he groaned, and I knew the moment had come. I held him in my mouth. Then a gushing spurt shot out , hit the back of my throat. Another. Another. He must have spurt about eight times. I'd never tasted come until then, and while I can't say I enjoy its flavor, it's not that bad either. I knew that if I swallowed it would increase his pleasure. So I did. Job done.
Neither one of us is gay. But for whatever reason, he let me go through with the act. I finished it (meaning I brought him to orgasm). Since then he hasn't said a word to me. After he came, he basically disappeared, and every time I've seen him since he's had a cold look on his face, not a word. What did I do so wrong? I mean, I know I performed oral sex on another man, but that's not immoral. I'm not gay, but I guess the fact that I broke my own "rule book" (if that makes sense) by doing this extreme thing is really bothering me. Also, I made a really stupid choice indulging in that drug; if I hadn't done that, none of this would have happened.
What do I do now? Should I try to talk to him? Should I leave it for time to heal? I'm just at a loss, and really down on myself. Things are different between us now, and there's no going back in time to fix this. Have I ruined our friendship? Oh God, I feel terrible. I guess it's only natural, considering how stupid I was. If anyone has any advice, I'd be so grateful. Thanks for reading this.
I'd never done cocaine before. It cleared up the drunken haze I was feeling. We all did it, but I seemed to like it the most (or it's possible I just had the hardest time controlling my enthusiasm). The guy who brought it over left after about an hour, and then it was just the two of us. We got to talking about a lot of different things, and eventually the conversation turned to sex. Josh has a girlfriend (has never had a hard time with girls) and is definitely an attractive guy. I don't have a girlfriend and have struggled with this for years. It's not that I'm not attractive (I'm not Brad Pitt) but I'm surely more shy than he is. I've only had a few girlfriends in my life, and it's been a long time since the last one.
Anyway, I don't really know how else to say this other than to say it: the coke made me really horny. I don't know how it happened (God, I'm so ashamed), but before long I started asking him a lot of personal questions about how often he had sex, who he had it with, if he got a lot of blow jobs, for one. Then he asked me, "Why, you wanna give me one or something?" Before I knew what I was doing, impulsively, I told him I would. He said, "Whoa, I was just kidding dude!" but somehow, a minute or so later I was undoing his belt. And I did it.
The whole thing lasted about five minutes. I had him in my mouth before I realized I didn't stop to think about doing this. Then I was doing it. It was nice, actually, having a rock hard cock right up in my face to do what I want with. I sucked and nuzzled the head, licked underneath the head where we're most sensitive and I felt him shiver. That turned me on. It was like I had power. I just sucked him, slowly, gently. When he started grunting sort of, his cock throbbed a little in my mouth, then all of a sudden I tasted some salty liquid. Pre-cum. I kept at it, taking him in my mouth, using my hand to follow up so as to increase his pleasure. Then he groaned, and I knew the moment had come. I held him in my mouth. Then a gushing spurt shot out , hit the back of my throat. Another. Another. He must have spurt about eight times. I'd never tasted come until then, and while I can't say I enjoy its flavor, it's not that bad either. I knew that if I swallowed it would increase his pleasure. So I did. Job done.
Neither one of us is gay. But for whatever reason, he let me go through with the act. I finished it (meaning I brought him to orgasm). Since then he hasn't said a word to me. After he came, he basically disappeared, and every time I've seen him since he's had a cold look on his face, not a word. What did I do so wrong? I mean, I know I performed oral sex on another man, but that's not immoral. I'm not gay, but I guess the fact that I broke my own "rule book" (if that makes sense) by doing this extreme thing is really bothering me. Also, I made a really stupid choice indulging in that drug; if I hadn't done that, none of this would have happened.
What do I do now? Should I try to talk to him? Should I leave it for time to heal? I'm just at a loss, and really down on myself. Things are different between us now, and there's no going back in time to fix this. Have I ruined our friendship? Oh God, I feel terrible. I guess it's only natural, considering how stupid I was. If anyone has any advice, I'd be so grateful. Thanks for reading this.
