ok, the year was 1984. i was waiting tables at a mexican restaraunt called el torito's who-song and larry's, stupid name i know, in santa clara ca. we had a lot of ethnic indian from india software engineers bring their families (grandpa, grandma, 8 kids) in for dinner. fuckers were the cheapest bastards, would act all snobby, make you run all night like they were your only table. they would demand that we keep the complimentary chips and salsa basket full, not order any drinks, drink only free water, split 5 entrees for 10 people, then not tip. we use to call them "Patels".
one busy friday night i had a Patel table who were really getting on my last nerve. they had ordered the "sizzling chicken fajitas". that's a hot skillet, so hot that the chicken strips are still sizzling when you place the skillet on the table family style. its a real bitch to serve, as i had to carry the fucking thing through a crowded dining room on an oval tray held shoulder height, the glowing red hot skillet with its searing hot greasy chicken strips crackling, sputtering, frizzling and spitting their hot grease inches from my face. i'd had it. enough was enough. the Patels could go fuck themselves, grandma grandpa and all the kids too.
i decided to take action. "hey Steve (my coworker)! check this out!" i sucked in and collected a huge green-yellow-brownish loogie from the back of my throat and hocked it right on the scorching hot skillet. it danced in the hot grease, sputtering and spraying mucous and phlegm strings as it boiled on the hot metal. revenge! REVENGE! HA HA HA! TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING PATELS!!! EAT MY SNOT! I GET THE LAST LAUGH, YOU FUCKS! YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG WAITER! REVENGE IS MINE!
steve bent over he was laughing so hard. "which table! which table is that?"
"table 51. the Patels. ooh,i got something special just for them, i do, those cheap fucks making me run all night."
i carried it out to them, placing it in the center of the table with a flourish. "enjoy!" i said with a grin.
oh, we laughed and laughed, steve and i, watching those cheap fucks eat my slimy filthy phlegm, those fuckers.
"how's everything over here? everything good? how's those fajitas, good aren't they?" oh yeah, theyre good, you cheap free chip and salsa with a glass of water eating sons of bitches. fuck you.
