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Anything Goes
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Straight Male / 23
Just Thoughts Or Trauma Dump. Had Me Overwhelmed Since Some Years.
This is me - Born in a really backward background, both parents are illiterate, father did laborious work for almost 30 yrs (14-50 of age) and he still does but as he grew in work, the work has eased a bit, but still he works around 14-15 hrs a day (at least stays outside the house because of it) and also they (my father & his parents) lived in a village and called themselves a lower caste (as they literally were illiterate and it benefits them from govt. schemes) but also now when I grew up I asked my mother what the profession of our ancestors was and she said nothing, they just used to hunt and live and the caste my father had us registered to avail govt. benefits (by giving bribes to lots of officers, he's unknowingly a petty man tbh) is not the caste my mother said, as the registered caste's ancestor's profession was making cheap alcohol and the one my mother described were the warriors in the past few centuries (in a king's army) and migrated to diff. places after the kingdom was lost, so most probably I belong to that but I can't call myself that since it's not a registered caste and my original one is a backward caste too but its history is rich and not as bad as the one I'm registered with. And the whole family (grandfather, grandmother, and their kids, and my cousins, all of them) is quite backward in thoughts too and I didn't give all this much thought but whenever someone talks about these things it makes me feel less of a person like I'm low of a human and also having caste certificates is considered a cheap thing in here, so that makes me feel bad too, I didn't wanted but my father forced it on me by emotional blackmail, saying that it's for my own benefit (it wasn't good for me honestly, because of this - I never got the choice to decide and now I've graduated with a degree I've no knowledge in, from a college that I only got because of my caste certificate and didn't deserve on merit, so always felt low in there too for whole 4 years couldn't feel equal to others, I mean how could I. So, I know it's a weird thing - but how do I overcome this feeling of being a low person, a less human being, my whole journey seems like forged cheating if I think about it, I never chose the Science stream, didn't chose the degree to pursue either - just keep on going with the flow my father and brother created. - Any advice.
# 64557 - by
VengeanceIam
